Hey Everyone,

I'd like to give some context before starting this one. Firstly, I'm still coming down a bit from the alcohol tonight, and this post might be a little messy for that reason. More importantly, however: I've been working on curing my social anxiety and changing my general impression around others for about a year. Lots of reading, exercising, and education on cultural things such as music and fashion have made me much more attractive looking and socially compatible with strangers. I'm now in my senior year of university and ready to make new friends, albeit lacking the social capital to find opportunities to do so (like clubs and dorm bonding). This makes going to the bar (perhaps sadly) my main stream of social contact with new people.

I really worked my ass off to get where I am today, and this post reviews how my time at the bar tonight demonstrated to me the fruits of my labor. That said, this isn't a victorious post - I did not pull a girl tonight or even make out with one. I know a lot of people here like to spruce their smaller gains with titles like "I got rejected and it was a HUGE success" or "BIG REEL as I talked to two people today!". I'm not going to claim that this was anything more than a night where I proved I can fit in with the crowd and am ready to take things to the next level.

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I brought my room mate with me, who is by no means in better social condition than I am. Of the two roommates I had available (who both suffer somewhat with talking and relating to strangers), he is the one with more initiative to try new things, so he was much more agreeable with going out. We had some good laughs pregaming and then headed out to a good bar in our college town.

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At the line, I watched as people interacted with the bouncers. Most didn't do as much as a courteous greeting, and others awkwardly waited for their ID to get passed back to them (for whom some where certainly fakes). When it was my turn, I offered them a warm greeting and commented that it sucked they couldn't check IDs at the door inside (it was 20+ ish degrees fahrenheit), which they appreciated me acknowledging. They mentioned to me in return how their boss was being a stickler about being out instead of hanging by the door and potentially letting the cold in. This made for a good start for me, as I remember going in at another bar but a year ago and feeling awkward and intimidated around bouncers. My friend coat tailed on my good engagement with the bouncers, which was nice to see, and we made our way inside.

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It was about a little more than half past 9, so the bar was lively but not too crowded. We made our way down the bar and found some open seats to order from. While waiting for the bartender to come around, a two set comes by to order next to me. Of the two, the leader, a blonde with purple glasses resting on the crown of her head, opened on me, touching my arm somewhat purposefully as she found some room to stand at the bar (there was enough room to definitely not touch me which is why I speculate that it was probably intentional). I turn around at this point and she apologizes, and I joke about it to brush it off. We get to talking and she tells me that she's here to forget about an ex. Sort of a yellow flag in my book, but she seemed very nonchalant and almost ironic about it, which I felt lent her possibly open to a hook up. That said, I was just not feeling confident enough to cement my position talking to her. I prop the convo a little longer until they decide to leave.

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In the meanwhile, we get our drinks and I start talking to the guy next to me. We end up hitting it off really well and quickly become friends for the rest of the night. We share a lot of taste in music and other things, so we had a really good conversation and got each other's contact info. It was definitely the highlight of the night for me, as I got to flex my new social suave and cultural knowledge to make a solid dialogue happen.

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While we were talking, I noticed one girl in particular walking around looking for guys to talk to. She was probably a 6 in my book, but she was hitting up on guys that were in my opinion lower value than me, or that I could have easily out valued with a confident opening. This probably would have been a great way to warm up in preparation for working higher value girls later on, both in the scope of that night and future nights, but I decided I wasn't ready for it and continued to talk between my roommate and new friend as I was enjoying it well enough. Part of me was thinking "what would I say to open? what topics would I engage? where would I begin in peaking her interest over the other guys?", and between all these thoughts, I remained in my seat. At least in the meanwhile, between talking with my roommate and new friend, I complimented the bartender's long shots throwing garbage away and we exchanged names.

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More banter and fun was had in the bathroom, cracking jokes with neighboring urinal users and even getting some names and telling them we'd talk if we bumped into each other later (no homo guys I promise). From this standpoint, it was a good night. I was really blending in a way that but a year ago I could never had imagined being possible. I also noticed from my position at the bar what other people were doing. Some people were dancing almost uncomfortably while clearly trying to figure out their next move to make on a group; others were having mild looking conversations with some girls; some guys were doing really well and definitely being seductive with a girl they found that night. Overall, I'd estimate only %15-20 of the guys in the bar must have been doing what we'd culturally see as a good job hitting on girls. The girl I was eyeing previously was trying to get some attention from the (imo) lower value guy, but he didn't reciprocate her fairly obvious advances. Its something I know I would have jumped on if I were in his place, as I've had enough (not many I promise, but a bare requisite amount) make-out situations to be comfortable enough to read those signs and act on them. I realized that if I went over there right then or in 5 minutes after he messed up, that I could have swooped her. Perhaps more importantly though, it started to dawn on me that I wasn't alone in my brooding ambitions to break the ice with the other people in the room.

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That said, sadly, I didn't do it. We did go upstairs however to explore the rest of the bar since I hadn't seen it yet. It was packed to the extreme with people back to back like sardines in a can. People were knocking each others' drinks over and stepping on one anothers' toes trying to move in and out of the sea of bar-goers. Crowds didn't really scare me and I knew how to navigate them, as I've been to some very super-packed, fast paced bar crawls in the past with one of my socially well adjusted friends. We walk around to take a gander at the various sets. It was far more group oriented than the downstairs area - while downstairs, groups were more loose and the social situation was more lubricated, the upstairs area was chaotic, loud, and gave the impression that people stuck with who they knew. The dynamic didn't seem to be so much person to person at it did group to group. Girls were leading their other friends to quieter areas or spaces at the bar by hand, shouting for people by name, or generally forming tighter rings than the one's downstairs. We finished touring around and I told my new friend I might try and make a move on some sets. By then however, my room mate was not doing well, and he soon after ran outside and I had to go chase him down so he wouldn't freeze to death. I thanked the bouncers in front of the stairwell and out front on my way out. From there, I called the uber back to the apartment so he could rest up.

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Overall, it wasn't exciting as far as girls go, but a very positive experience from a more humble stand point. I made a new friend, bantered with a fair number of strangers, and adjusted my perspective of other people against myself, which was before slanted and unrealistic. If there is anything I learned tonight, its that I'm definitely ready to start opening sets and that I'm more comfortable with the bar scene. There were definitely a lot of opportunities that I missed, and no doubt I didn't take them because I was scared and not confident, even when a part of me knew it would go well in some fashion and at the very least be a fun experience. The regret of this sits uneasily in me, but is fermenting into resolve for next time. I know some of you here would have made your shots in my place, and for that reason alone, I will up my game come next weekend.