Hey guy,

I feel the need to tell my story. Plus, I'm kinda lost right now so if I could get some advices it would be awesome. But I mostly want to get everything off my chest. So be warned : this is mostly (100%) a pathetic and useless emotional complaint.

About a year ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. The typical campus whore. With incredible luck, she didn't get pregnant (she poked holes in condoms, took the condoms out of the bin to get the sperm etc..). My former beta self was crushed, she broke me. I was failing in college, my friends turned their back on me because of how pathetic I was (my "friends" were all females). I was diagnosed with clinical severe depression. I worked my butt off during the summer to pass my exams and to not get expelled. I was at my lowest point but I did succeed in getting in second year of college. I then spent the whole school year doing nothing but working, healing my depression and my one-itis. Zero social contact during this time. At one point, I didn't open my mouth for 9 days - spoke to no one. I was dispised by the whole college community, the black sheep. I went through this thanks to...porn. I would jerk off every night to release the tension, numb the sadness and escape the feelings. Of course, no sex since I broke up with my last girlfriend. No girl touched me in that time span either. I got hooked on porn and it's ruining my life. Now, I'm abroad for the summer, to do some work and although this is a great opportunity I just spend my time doing useless things.

Well. Seems pretty obvious to me what I should do when reading that. What I didn't say though is that I'm broken. Any bit of discipline is gone, sadness and a feeling of powerlesness dominate my every day life and I'm basically down. I tried working out. I would do it for 2 days then give up. I can't sleep anymore. I sleep between 1 and 3 hours a night and I can't sleep more. Unhealthy lifestyle, isolated life. I'm a huge mess and I see no hope. I've tried to make friends but I couldn't muster up the energy to go to the parties they invited me to. My health is shit, my motivation, strength and will are non-existant so that I spend my time doing easy things like jerking off to porn and playing video games, which in turn makes a lazy slob of me. I'm becoming the fat and frustrated world of warcraft nerd which is not exactly what I had in mind for myself.