Hi I'm a skinny, Indian, 19 year old, junior college student. I stumbled on TRP months ago and was captivated by it because I got tired of being where I am in life. I'm still a virgin, never dated, kissed, or even "intimately" hugged a girl. While losing my virginity isn't my immediate goal, the rest kinda are at the least. Or so it feels like to me lately because I'm not getting anywhere and I'm having a mental breakdown of turning 20 and not being anywhere close to where I want to be. My main goal is basically to build a persona for myself, where I can be who I want to be without fear. Of course I understand that if I want to see results I'll to put in the effort. I've went over to the becomeaman to begin my mission, but wasn't able to fully commit as much as I wanted to due to starting right before finals week. I did what I could, when I could however. I'm now back at home with my parents with plans to go to a community college to save money for braces hopefully- something I've always thought held me back from doing anything I wanted, such as doing things as public speaking and talking to people because my teeth are super fucked up and I'm certain it makes me appear awfully ugly if I open my mouth, for this reason I never spoke to girls. I've had very few female friends whom I interacted with- none since high school. I don't have a job, nor do I have a license. I'm back home so I don't have access to gym and can't afford one, but I've started to exercise in my room again. The only thing I've barely settled is my diet. Since I lost my streak on working out during finals week, I focused on something I could easily do no matter the pressure.
I want to begin my mission, but I'm not sure when can I start it. Everything about me tied to my looks and everyone else seems to fix that by working out, but working out doesn't fix an overbite. Or the fact that I have a horrible voice and sound horrible. Like a girl I guess. For example, just the other day I went to get a haircut with my mom there with me. This girl (probably a college grad) cutting my hair comments about that, but more importantly I was just really tense in my seat and was a bit hunched over and couldn't get myself to move because she so close to me I basically froze. She did a horrible job truth be told and I think that's because she wanted to get rid of me as soon as possible from her vicinity. I kept staring at my face in the mirror every chance I got to put my glasses on and all I could do was focus on my mouth. I'm not sure what to do, I'm refocusing on school with my pre-med route, but I feel like I won't succeed in anything until I get braces. When I was in middle school (6th grade) one of my teachers told me one day that because who I was, the way I dressed, I wouldn't succeed until I got to college. Nothing has changed and I'm about to end my 3rd year. I guess I had hoped I would magically become confident and develop a persona upon setting foot on a college campus. I'm just hoping that I'm not setting myself up in the same way with the idea of getting braces, but I've honestly always thought that if you're attractive everything will be perfect. I have no intentions of "getting girls" or sleeping around. Most of the things I strive for aren't because I want to do it, but rather only because I want to prove to myself that I'm capable of doing it. For example in my last year of college I briefly joined a fraternity, it's only appeal to me being that I was able to get into one.
I honestly have no idea where to start or if I'm even ready to start. Any input?