I just had a 1st date with the fourth person I’ve met up with since beginning dating in mid November.

Some mental hurdles had to be overcome, the beginning dates went well but nothing happened because I had not physically let go of my ex. Mentally, we were through, but after a 4.5 yr relationship where you’ve only touched one other person, I think my body just hadn’t opened itself to being sexual with other people yet.

First 1st date I just wasn’t sexually or mentally stimulated. I had already been doing SR for a pelvic floor dysfunction problem that gets triggered by orgasm (sorry guys). We went for coffee and a walk in a park. She touched me a few times and that was noted but something I didn’t care to escalate. It’s ok to reject people, that’s what being someone of value does.

Second 1st date + follow up - we went to my now go-to 1st date, a bar with outdoor seating that you don’t have to go inside the building at all, unless you need to go to the restroom. Rapport was good, she’s an intellectual like I am and although nothing happened physically, she agreed to a second date. I aimed for a more active follow up, walking in a wildlife refuge, in the hopes I could bump her hand and try to escalate. But she had both hands occupied the whole time and I couldn’t force the issue. We agreed to a third date and I probably began to get overly communicative by text, and after the first long reply on her end I kinda knew it wasn’t going to work out. I haven’t reached out after that in like 2-3 wks, and mentally I’m over it. She has a 5 yr old and I just don’t think I’m at the life stage to deal with a kid anyway.

Third 1st date - we went to the same coffee bar as my first 1st date. Comparisons were obvious, I was more attracted and thought it went better, but still no kino. I texted her right when I got home, likely too soon. She took three days to reply with a legit offer to be friends, and being newly returned to my area after 7 yrs away, I agreed because you can’t build social credit with no social life. She’s a couple years older which isn’t my ideal, but she loves NBA so I’m hoping I’ve got a watch buddy for some of the season.

Fourth 1st date - we matched on Hinge and chatted for a night, and then I kinda told her goodnight and left her for a whole week due to spinning other plates I was more invested in, a lack of musical compatibility etc. This may have even worked in my favor, as the initial conversation was good and I kind of ghosted her. A week later, I came across her fb dating app and she’s a fucking beauty pageant queen, had amazing pics that were not present on her Hinge account. I felt like a dumbass but messaged her on Hinge and we set up a date. She is kind of a strange one, rocker music, pageant queen, scientist teacher. She’s into mystical stuff like astronomy, so I had her install Co-Star app which is a great way to have a conversation if you know they are open to that kind of thing. We were a complete mismatch for our pairing and just joked about what a catastrophe our date would be and how the pressure was off. Date night, we went to the same bar as the second 1st date, which is now my default 1st date. She was kinda stiff at the beginning or even abrasive, but as she and I got drunk eventually we were doing strong kino with hands across the table. I had her agree to a second date long before we touched, which kind of took off even more pressure and made the touching easier. We met at 7 and I didn’t realize it was 1 AM and then we were leaving. Had my hand on her back and then kinda turned her and then we were at it.

So my takeaways from 6 wks of dates 1. Don’t text too much unless she is receptive to it, you will have to experiment to find out what’s appropriate without hurting yourself. I disagree with the notion of texting for logistics only, bc some of these girls are sick of assholes on apps, have been raped, are wanting to gauge your behavior towards the pandemic etc. Some communication can go far, and in the case of my k-close the communication led to a no pressure situation that likely led to the kink and k-close.

  1. If you’re not feeling it, don’t escalate. It’s a waste of resources and makes you a dick

  2. If she doesn’t put herself into a position to be escalated on, that’s on her. If she does and you fail to escalate, that’s on you. You can’t win this battle every time but you can set yourself up as best as you can. Knowing your date location ahead of time, doing your best to sit on adjacent sides rather than across a table (I didn’t do this but it ultimately didn’t matter), walking her to her car, etc.

  3. Practice makes perfect. 6 wks was all it took to get a first k-close after being in a LTR for that long and a lifetime of being afraid before that

Room for improvement - I need to make new profiles in all the dating apps. I’m getting an Apple Watch soon, and with that you won’t need someone to take your photo, you can just remote trigger the camera with the watch. Just a suggestion for people who are friendless or stuck due to Covid.

That’s all folks, good luck out there and happy holidays. I hope everyone can have someone on their radar by New Year’s Eve, I think everyone is going to be thirsty that night. I don’t support large gatherings but I think by now we should all know how to be safe in smaller groups with trusted people.

Stay safe.