She (27) admitted this to me (29) directly every time I’ve talked to her about this issue. When we were dating she used to get cute for me but we got married and moved in together and it just stopped. She says she should be able to be comfortable around me but it’s 95% of the time. She only gets fixed up when we hang with other people. Been this way for years and I don’t know what to do. Her mom has even brought this up to her and she still brushes it off.

I admitted it has affected my enthusiasm in the bedroom and she gaslights me saying I should want to always have sex (she would want sex every night if it were up to her) because we love each other, which we do, but it has affected attraction. I see other women looking nice for their men and it makes me wish I got the same. She also gaslights me by saying it’s crazy that I want her to get fixed up like a model even though I made it clear I would just want some reasonable level of maintenance.

We’re both busy (she’s a SAHM and I work but also help around the house and with the kids) but I still make sure to keep myself presentable for her, more so lately to really make it more obvious how doable it is.

I’ve heard of different “fixes” but none have worked. I’ve asked her if she’s depressed so I can arrange a therapist but she swears she’s not (she has admitted to just being lazy) and date nights aren’t a fix because she still dressed the same if we’re not directly hanging with someone else. The only fix I’ve considered is straight up telling her no sex from me if she’s not willing to put effort in for me, which would suck, but I’m at my wit’s end. What should I do?