So, I've been around RP a while. I was always a cynic and mistrusted women's motives. Still fit the "never been kissed" stereotype because I never really tried. Basically just lots of negativity and self-loathing, which somehow inspired me to do well in high school. I managed to get into a state flagship on close to full scholly with the intention of becoming a prestigious career man with a professional postgraduate degree.

Fast forward to now. I have a decent GPA and have been doing what's necessary to apply to professional schools, but just feeling a sense of general ennui. I don't have friends. I don't really want douchey RP friends. I definitely don't fit the "frat boy" stereotype and could never be successful in that environment, knowing myself. No girls, but I don't really wanna deal with their bullshit anyway at this point. I just don't see it being worthwhile at this point in my life.

I just had the image in my head of meeting a "nice girl" but somehow every such girl I find is meeting three other dudes a week if you catch my drift. I'm kinda thinking MGTOW given my lack of past success and I really have no desire to become a player -- never really did.

But now I'm looking at many, many more years of schooling for a decent salary but unfulfilling work (to me, at least). I feel like if I stay on this path, I'm just destined to become a beta bucks working 80 hours a week under lots of stress, and for what, you know? I've been grinding since I was a little tot with the expectation I'd earn some prestige and it'd be worth something but now I feel like it was all a waste because I haven't gotten shit by way of sexual action or even money (and won't until after a professional degree at least).

I wanted to switch to engineering in my last upcoming year of uni and I talked to my dad, who's pretty red pill. He helps me with housing finances and everything. He said he's not going to cover more than four years at school and I don't see how I could complete engineering in a year's time. It's fair, but it leaves me with few options.

I actually have dreams about either living like a bum/vagabond, or experiencing some sort of catastrophe (like a car crash) just to take the pressure off and change things for a while, especially given that I don't see the fruits of my academic labors as it is.

Part of me is still holding out for that dream of being a career man with a loving wife and family but every time I so much as talk to a girl my age, I see how bitchy they are and it really turns me off to dealing with them. It sucks because I actually think I'd make a good dad.

But, I mean, why would I wanna work 80 hours a week to make 6 figures and have it take until I'm 35 years old to get there if I can't even get laid doing it, you know?

Just seems like a shit life. lol What should I be doing differently? What do I do?