Belief: “I do everything right when talking to women”

Want: “I want that woman”

Result: “She rejected me”

This creates a dissonance or internal conflict that can affect our self-esteem.

To protect us ego can do the following:

• Questioning the belief.

“_Did i maybe not do things right? Could it be that I have to learn things that i don’t know about women yet? Are other guys more competent than me?_” Ego arrogantly says no because it can’t accept the idea that you are ignorant about women, that you suck at talking to them or that other guys have better skills than us. So instead it looks for excuses or things beyond your control telling yourself that maybe the girl is the problem, or maybe it’s just your looks, your lack of money, someone sabotaging you, or something that you have no control over. Ego creates a shield of arrogance, which causes it to hate the lack of control over outcomes and being perceived as less competent than others.

• Questioning the want.

“_Maybe I did not actually want her or any woman. They are overrated anyway and I have better things to do, cuz women are a distraction_”. This is another way the ego has to protect your self-esteem by convincing you that it was your choice to not make something happen or to not go for what you want, etc… If you don’t want that woman, then your self-esteem is protected because the ego convinces you that you choose not to get that woman, and that if you wanted her, you would have seduced her.

• Questioning the result.

“_Maybe, she did not actually rejected me. Deep down she likes me, but she is just playing hard to get, or she must have had a bad day. And she didn’t have a chance to get to know the real me. If she did she would see how amazing I am_” - These are narratives that your ego creates to either to blame things on external factors or to be in denial and keep clinging to false hope.

So to fix this, you need to just accept that you don’t know everything or that you may not have done everything right (changing your arrogant belief for a more humble and realistic one), admit that you actually wanted the woman (instead of bullshitting yourself) and lastly accept the result (without distorting it or being in denial clinging to false hope).

Let’s break down each:

• Changing the belief: Admitting that you may not have done everything right opens the door to learning. It’s not about beating yourself up, but acknowledging that every interaction is an opportunity to refine your approach. By being open to feedback, both internal and external, you give yourself the power to improve.

• Admitting the want: Owning your desire for her means embracing vulnerability, which is a core part of building real connections. It’s natural to want someone and to feel disappointed when it doesn’t work out. By admitting this, you maintain your integrity cuz you’re acknowledging your feelings rather than hiding from them. And this is important to build your resilience, which is your ability to bounce back from setbacks, adversity and disappointments recovering quickly from it and maintaining a positive outlook.

• Accepting the result: Sometimes, things simply don’t go your way, and that’s okay. Accepting the outcome allows you to move forward without holding on to regret or false hope. It’s the difference between carrying the weight of rejection versus learning from it and letting it shape your future in a positive way.

Once you stop resisting the reality of the situation, you gain the freedom to grow. You can analyze what, if anything, you’d like to improve about your approach, or simply accept that not every person will reciprocate, no matter how well things are done or how attractive you are.

This humility strengthens your ability to connect deeply in future interactions and learn new things that you may need to learn, because it’s rooted in self-awareness, authenticity, and resilience.

This allows you to cope much better with rejection and recover from it instantly, leading you to increased confidence once you achieve peace of mind and manage your internal mindset more effectively.