Hey bros, I recently came across an AskReddit thread, which discusses what women would dislike most if they were to become men. It was disheartening to read many of the replies, which mostly dealt with the struggle of not wanting to appear creepy or threatening in public, and the feelings of isolation associated with this constant rejection.

This made me want to share something in my life that has helped me (a rather large and imposing man) meet people in a comfortable and safe way. In college I got really into partner dancing, specifically Lindy Hop. There are many opportunities to socialize including classes (you usually have to pay), workshops (you also pay), and socials (sometimes free, sometimes not).

The way a lesson generally works is that the class splits up into leaders and followers. We don't strictly comform based on gender, but generally more dudes are leads and more women are follows. You then learn some kind of move (a turn, a dip, etc.) and then practice it with the class in a rotating circle. That means you get to meet and interact with every person in the class. You learn their names and if it's a long-term class, you build trust with everyone as it goes on.

Socials are somewhat common in most major cities in the US and Western Europe, and if the idea of going to a social alone is nervewracking, a lot of classes will prepare you beforehand (how to ask someone to dance, how to say no when asked to dance, how to react if someone tells you no). I find people in these circles to be some of the friendliest and most welcoming people in the world. I've even met new people in a lot of European cities I was passing through where I knew no one (Berlin, Vienna, Barcelona) through social dance events, some of whom I still talk to today.

At these events, but also in general too, if you have trouble talking to women in a non-romantic context, talk to older women first. If you are younger, they usually won't think you're trying to hit on them, they're full of wisdom, and they make for great conversation partners.

I also want to emphasize that this is just for making friends. Don't come to these events expecting to pick up women.

If it helps at all, as I have also struggled with not wanting to make women uncomfortable, the most freeing thing is to let go of that burden (which is oftentimes self-imposed). It's helpful to think that even if a woman thinks I'm some creep, I'm just a small blip in her life and in the end it doesn't really matter. There's not much of a reason to worry unless your genuinely being a creep (approaching and hitting on women in inappropriate places, expecting someone to go out with you and not taking no for an answer, etc.) Unfortunately, only you know your intentions, but I take comfort in the fact that at least I know I don't ever want to hurt or threaten anyone.

At the end of the day it's YOUR life, and you can't help the fact that people might see you as threat. Nevertheless, you have the right to live the way you want to, and if someone tries to make you feel bad for just being you, they're not worth your time or energy.

You have worth, you have value, and you're worthy of love. If nobody has told you they love you recently, I love you! Your feelings matter, even if it feels like they don't, and there's nothing manly about holding everything in for fear of how others will react.

Also, remember that no matter how hopeless it may seem, the manosphere is never the answer. Trying to be a dominant alpha male is never the answer. Blaming or ridiculing women (or anyone for that matter) is never the answer. Love, kindness, and a constant desire to better yourself and help your fellow humans is always the answer.

Stay strong my brothers (and sisters...and gender non-comforming siblings)

TLDR: Partner dance is an epic and fulfilling way for men to make friends in a non-threatening way