My "Wife" and I have been together for almost 17 years. I say "wife" because we are not officially married; other than that we are more married than most married couples. We have 2 wonderful and amazing children. In these 17 years we have been through a lot (it would take me 10 pages to just describe what). We have built the whole life together, everything I have in my life I'm sharing with her. In the last half a year or so we just can't seem to get along. I have a feeling she actually started hating me. She keeps telling me how horrible I am to her, how horrible I treat her and so on and I really don't know how. I am dedicated, I am loyal, I have a stable job, we have our own house, I don't go to bars, I don't drink (a few beers on occasion every now and then but nothing worth mentioning and certainly nothing that could be considered problematic - let's say on average 5 beers a month), I don't gamble, my family is my whole life. I go to work, go back home and try to spend some quality time with my family, I do chores around the house. Not just "male" tasks (I don't believe in male and female tasks but that sums it up nicely), I cook, I clean, I try to be as helpful as I can around the house, do homework with my kid (younger one is in kindergarten so still no homework). I truly and honestly try and treat her with love and respect. Even when we argue I try and keep it civilised, no insults, no cursing... I do raise my voice in the heat of the moment but even there I try to control myself. I have never forgotten any occasion like birthdays, anniversary, woman's day, mother's day... I'm writing all of this just to make you see I'm really trying on all fronts. But lately I just can't seem to get it right. I love her soooo much. The latest problem was yesterday and I am afraid this is the end. A few days ago she got a call from her gynecologist that the latest papa test (I am sorry I don't know if that's the right term) showed some irregularities in the cells that might indicate cancer (but it doesn't necessarily mean it is and further testing is required). She got really scared (ofc) and so did I. I tried not to show it to keep her in focus so we don't end up spending more time on me than on her. I tried to be here for her as much as I can/could, not to start any arguments, not to complain about anything, not to be nervous... So yesterday we all together sat down to play a round of mario kart all together. My son tends to get a little mean when playing (he is not really mean, but he loves to hit you at the worst possible time, steal upgrades when he can...) and for some reason he was a little harder on her (usually I am the one getting all his "rage") than usual. She lost it, started yelling, said some really mean things to him and stormed off. I too wanted to scold him for that but then he started crying about how horrible he is, how he does disgusting things and so on... I just didn't have it in me to scold him further. Instead I comforted him, I explained to him that he isn't horrible, that mommy is just sensitive right now, not to take it hard... From that point on everything went to hell. She got angry how I'm not on her side, how I keep telling her to calm down and so on... I really had no hidden motives or anything like that. I really just wanted her to calm down and stop her from saying and doing something she might regret later. Somehow in all of this it turned out that I'm not supportive of her, how I don't understand her, how I think just about myself, how I didn't comfort her, how she needed me, she needed us but no one cares... I tried talking to her but it was futile. I just let it go; today I got up, went to work, sent her a nice message, told her I am sorry for everything yesterday, told her I just want to be here for her, help her, be by her side... It seemed to have worked. When I got home, the conversation went straight to yesterday's events and it all went to hell again. I still (REALLY) don't know what I did wrong. Just to clarify, I know this isn't cancer worry related because similar things happened a few times in the last few months. She even wanted to break it up a few times but I begged her to reconsider, to give me another chance (I know it sounds pathetic, but I will do everything and anything for my family)... So this time I'm really afraid that might be it. I just don't know what to do. I still love her. A lot. I can't imagine my life without her. I have built my whole with her, I share everything with her... Everything we planned, we hoped for, we built... She has been my life for the last 17 years... What to do now? How to move on? How to keep living? How not to become suicidal (I won't do it because of my kids, I grew up without a father and I'm not putting them through that)? I know this sounds pathetic but I am really desperate. I don't have anyone to talk to, no one to ask for advice... I don't have my friends anymore (we now just have our friends and honestly no one I'm really close to), my whole family is dead (part od the "we have been through a lot" part I mentioned earlier). I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack... I just don't know what to do... How can a person move on? We live in our house (it's on my name, it was my grandparents house, the house I grew up in but I promised her even if we do break up, she won't have to move because I strongly believe that the kids should be with their mother and I want my kids to have a nice house). But everything I worked for, everything I have is in that house. I have two more apartments in my name, so u do have a place to be, but that house, that relationship, that family... Everything I did in the last 17 years is and was for that, for them, for us.... How can a person keep their sanity? How is it possible to move on? How not to just end it and be at peace... It seems so much easier than moving on... I am sorry for the long post and if it's a little hectic... As I said, I am desperate, heartbroken, afraid, confused and alone... You guys are all I have left. Please help me