I started dating this girl back in March and broke up with her about 3 days ago. When we first started dating I was able to get her in bed in about 3 dates. Once in bed, she told me she was only looking for a fwb fuck-buddy type of deal. This was a red flag for me personally because I had known her previously, and I thought she was one of the the girls that would want a relationship, specially since she dated her previous boyfriend for 2 years. I really liked her and wanted her to be exclusive with me, and after about 3 months I was able to make her my girlfriend.

I pressured her a little into becoming my girlfriend, I can tell she liked the better just being friends and having sex often, but I wanted to feel secure about her being mine so I wanted her to commit.

That did not help anything. Even after becoming my girlfriend I was still insecure about her seeing other guys.

A big part of that came from the fact that she had told me she had slept with "around 15" guys, and she was only 20 years old. Big red flag. She had also told me how she had cheated on every single boyfriend she's had in the past. All these things made me insecure to the point where I would doubt anything she would do, like hanging out with her male friends or going out with her girls. I just couldn't trust her. That started showing because I went from the really cool new guy to the controlling boyfriend that would get jealous about the smallest things.

I believe this started to be a big turn-off for her. And instead of talking to her about it, I just kept it bottled up, and it started showing as insecurities which is a big turn-off for any woman.

Thing then took a twist for the worst, when she decided she wanted to turn her life around and become a Christian. I believe she started feeling guilty over her fucked up past and wanted to find something to make herself feel better about her past. With that, came the fact that she wanted to practice abstinence. As if I wasn't insecure enough before, now she took sex away, the thing that made me feel like I had her.

We would still have sex from time to time, but it would only make things worst. She would start crying, feeling guilty, making me feel like shit, then I would cry sometimes for making her feel the way she felt. I just felt like "why me? why out of the 15 guys before, why am I the one that has to endure the no sex rule?"

I started believing that it was just a front. That she didn't really want me and was taking things away from me so I would be the one to dump her. This brought a lot of problems and eventually it led to a lot of breaking up and making up. We broke up like 5 times, but I would call her the next day begging for her back, and she would always take me back, until the she didn't 2 days ago.

I begged her to talk to me in person because I believed if I saw her in person I would be able to get her back, and she accepted, and the place she was at where she asked me to meet her up, was church. At that moment I realized that it was not a front, that she was serious about making the change. I pleaded that I would not be sexual with her anymore until marriage, and that I was going to change for her, and come to church with her, but it was too late. She told me she's been trying to get me to do that for the past 3 months, and I just didn't understand. I was totally destroyed and I almost broke down in front of her, but I left before I started crying in front of her.

Now I am somewhat depressed. I now I am not gonna get her back, at least not anytime soon. Maybe a few months down the road, if she doesn't start dating someone else, it could happen, but right now we cannot be a couple.

I feel as if maybe this is a good thing. Sometimes I couldn't see myself dating her because of all the baggage she had. Like having sex with 15 guys by age of 20, cheating on all of them, playing guys, having sex with guys and never calling them the day after. Those are not things I want in a girl, and it was going to bother me down the road, but I still wanted her.

I am now in a position where I don't know what to do. She was my first serious girlfriend, the first girl I brought home, the first girl I had sex with in my own bed (all other girls were motels or car sex), and I think my first love.

How does one get over their first love?

EDIT- Did I make the right choice to break up with her?