I'm getting married in 3 months to a great girl. The trouble is, I have no discipline at home or at work (remote), and am generally a slob. I was hard into RP a few years ago and got strong, got off social media, and grew in my faith with a philosophical leaning since that's what resonated with me. I also kicked my career into high gear, working on several side projects in addition to my career. But since then I've let myself go physically, losing 20lbs of muscle, having an erratic sleep schedule, poor nutrition, etc.

My relationship with my fiance has suffered quite a bit since our engagement. We get into arguments roughly once a week (it's better at times), and each time there's a fatalism about it, since we're about to enter into a lifelong commitment. During these interactions, she gets emotional and sees the worst in me. I do my best to avoid DEER, and to instead reframe and help her understand her emotions better. Then for days following, she starts pointing out the smallest things to criticize me about, as if I'm at fault for her poor mood. A year ago she would never have done this, so I'm worried she's losing respect for me.

So basically, I'm trying to figure out how to 1) become more respectable, despite not being naturally conscientious, and 2) see if there's a better way to deal with her emotional and antagonistic behavior.

Stats: 5"10, 163lbs, haven't done maxes at the gym for a while, but biceps are down to 15.5 inches from a high of 16.2. Eye strabismus that worsens with lack of sleep. Voice is super dependent on overall wellbeing, so I've sounded weak lately.

Reading: Sporadic Bible reading, still read some DeepStrength (mostly to combat the Keller readings during pre-marital counseling haha).

Mission: Get rich, live poor, be generous, use whatever influence I have to try and combat postmodern despair with a re-enchanted rationalism.