Okay TRP ... I'm super new (just found this sub-reddit yesterday, in that time i've read basically all the inro material though) I'm going to share my story for no other reason than I need to air it as well I'd value the community's honest opinions which I know you're all good for!

so... here we go...

First of all she's my high school sweetheart, we lived down the road from each other growing up, she was my prom date the full nines. Her parents are Military so she moved around a lot. entering into her grade 12 year her parents were posted and she decided to stay to be with me, my family welcomed her in and we stayed together. It seemed perfect I'd got my dream girl to commit to me so young and we were both in love. We went to different colleges but it wasn't a big deal at all.

Once school was over we moved to the city for me to look for work in technology industry (we're from a small town and there was no way I was getting work in the tech industry in the boonies). Soon after I proposed and we were married about a year later (however she had some serious cold feet and almost called it off, I had no idea why and chalked it up to her just having cold feet). Life was good and falling into place quite nicely compared to all my friends that were still racking up student loans and fucking relentlessly to no end (who needed that when you were in love and had everything you needed?).

We were the picture perfect couple to our friends & families. Literally less than 2 years later, call it June or July, I'm pretty much feeling rejected by my loving wife and I have next to 0 clues why. I assumed it was me. I was out of shape, I was the worst in my life actually, 205lbs at 5'11, and had done no weights or training at all since high school. I started running daily, watching what I was eating,and losing a pile of weight. Eventually I started to suspect the worst (cheating) despite having started running and taking better care of me and cutting my drinking and tracking calories to ensure consistent loss.

She started spending a lot of time with her friend from school which I'd never really known was important to her and when she was with her "friend" I'd never hear from her via text or call at all (you need to understand she lives on twitter and instagram her phone is never out of her hand for 5 mins). She'd say I'll be home at 10, and not show up until 12 or later more often than not and never once let me know where she was for this extra time (this caused some serious anxiety). This went on for months I had no proof but suspected the worst. Then she started to tell me she wasn't feeling it any more and needed space. She started staying days at a time at her college friend's house.

Come Nov. I don't quite remember how I found it but I found an HDD full of pictures of her "with" another guy like really with him... the dates on the pics puts this affair about about March or so. And not only that he is from miles and miles away (they hooked up when she was on work trips or that's what I was told the trips were). I found love letters she'd wrote to him that were still saved as a backup for later (or trophies?). I lost it. I freaked out and told her I needed to know what was up. She didn't deny it but she left on the spot basically.

I later found out her "friend" was yet another guy more local that she met after her long distance wasn't frequent enough I guess (speculation I have no idea why she got this new guy after the fact). So we get a separation agreement (I got / funded) but the whole time we were separated I couldn't help but want her back and feel like I'd been the one that fucked it all up (after all she committed to me so young, so I thought). Her excuse / reason for all of it was I'm a drinker and I was never available for her / wanted to do anything but drink (she wasn't horribly wrong it was the first thing I'd do when I got home from work). She also speculated that she just wanted to have the young adult life her friends were having in university (eating tons of cock I guess). My job was / is very stressful and I know I'm making excuses for it but I drank about .. 4-8 ozs of hard liquor (or equivalent beer count) nightly. Not ideal but not completely offside either, I've seen guys in my work drink whiskey from travel coffee mugs all day , & its scary how well they continue to function as well, my point is there is much worse than me, but I'm no saint either. She admitted to me at this time as well that these guys weren't the first and that she'd experimented even when we were in school with at least 2 more other guys. Note: I went from my 205lb self to probably 170 at this point I was well on my way to a better physical me regardless what was up with us.

Once she was gone, I started reading mystery method at that point in time and piles of PUA forums, and started taking care of myself physically even more so, I got ripped, in the best shape of my life, but I never fucked anyone. I wanted to be the best me for her, despite what she'd done to me.

The next few months are a bit of a blur, I attribute this to a PTSD like response. Come late Jan early Feb we were hanging out again semi regularly like once a week or so, never fucking but hanging out like best friends. I couldn't turn my back on her after all our history together. I was using Boy Friend destroyer tactics ( I wish I could be more specific and give this as a mini FR) and had her questioning her new man. By April she managed to get herself kicked out ( I didn't get the whole story or really cared to push for it but ironically I think he was cheating). Guess who was the knight in shining armour? I gave her a place to sleep that night and told her I was always there for her and she didn't need assholes to be happy. I never tried to push the issue that night, I offered her the bed as she'd been through a lot but she still took the couch as the bed was mine.

The next few months she started staying with a family friend in a rented room to get back on her feet. we started hanging out a lot more. By July she was spending almost every night with me again, we decided that we were going to get back together completely and got an apartment together again in Oct. All was awesome it was like another honey moon (for both of us).

I started to slip physically and started to pick up alcohol a bit more again as well basically back to the same levels as before. I fell back into old habits and so did she. Here I am now today.. Its now about 2 years since we got our place I just found another HDD full of pics of another guy from this summer. They aren't together. But again she is off "needing space" however as far as I know, unlike last time there isn't currently another man involved (I stress as far as I know on that one). She feels guilt ridden and awful and doesn't understand why she's done this to me yet again like wise I feel like shit having taken up drinking again. As I write this, reluctantly, there is a beer on my coffee table (2nd of the night but still its a part of my nightly routine). She had given men tons of warnings in the summer and before about drinking (back to probably march) and I didn't listen, this is a fact and I regret it a lot. She however in Sept gave me an ultimatum (before I found a fresh HDD of new pics on Nov 11th) Shape up and quit drinking or I'm gone... She'd never put it that way before and I started full fledged working out eating right again but it was too late she'd been filled with cock for months prior and me doing everything right for sept oct and nov didn't make a difference she'd already done what she had done.

Now Here I am. I reached out to an old friend yesterday who suggested I take the red pill... I've been reading non stop since then but cant help but think I need some serious blunt truths... I just find it so hard to leave and turn my back on the literally last 10 years. Her family is more mine than my own (my parents split and it hasn't been the same lots of fighting ensued) and her fam took me in as their own. When we split up last time her family knew the story and they disowned their own daughter in favour of me, they didn't even call her on X-mas but called me. So on the one hand I wont jade her in the eyes of her family again or our friends... and on the other... she was fucking this guy without protection if she'd got knocked up, I'd be one of "those guys" (sorry) that raises someone else's kid. That thought makes my skin crawl...

So! I'm looking for advice on next steps as much as I am just needing to air this to get it off my chest.. Okay reddit... that's me... have at it..