Married for 10 years two kids 16f and 10f. Wife is a hoarder and a slob and always plays the victim. House was always a mess. I wanted better for my kids and said we need to have some accountability here. I told her this is abuse and neglect. I can’t deal I talk about counseling and mental health. I get nothing.

I clean all day every day. She doesn’t help my children with their hygiene. My kids look thrown away. I try everything I can’t get her to take accountability for anything.

I leave and move out, I put her in a new place ,I move a couple hours away. I move on I tell myself she has been taking advantage of you. I have my issues and flaws I thought being vulnerable and admitting mistakes and then taking accountability would get me somewhere.

WRONG

I get it thrown in my face constantly. Too much resentment and inability to communicate. I’m aware I left and “abandoned” her with the kids. I do some reflecting and realize my whole marriage was bullshit. I’m being taken advantage of completely.

Iam disabled and she benefited from my disability. We always had money going out. I suffer from chronic pain and mental health issues and have been unable to work for several years. I realized me being down and out is a point on the board for her. She keeps CONTROL

Fast forward I do the work I learn who I am. I realize hey that’s my wife she needs support I get go fuck yourself.

I’m always the bad guy every conversation. Every text or conversation it’s me I’m doing the things.

I try and ask to work things out

I get you’ve done things I can’t trust you. I’m talking about being manipulated and she’s killing me with the DARVO bullshit. I cave I want my best friend back in my life. I know she’s lost all respect for me. Stringing me along I was paying $1000 to her in CS and her apartment is trashed. My kids stink it’s a hassle to get them to bath. She tells me “it’s out of my control” they live in filth.

I take action and call child protective services. They tell me it’s not that serious. Cool.

I reach out to one of her siblings for her to get support. I show them the condition of the house. They don’t want to be involved, but guess who’s flying down this month to stay with her. I hope she sees it first hand. I betrayed her I’m not allowed over to her home anymore.

I go no contact, I download a coparenting app it helps for the kids schedule. It also helps keep her bullshit at bay because it documents so you could potentially use in court. Minimum conversation it’s been great. Only talking to discuss the kids needs.

I’m in the mindset that she’s seeing other men. Yeah I’m mad I come to her to fix our life’s and she’s already got another sucker. I’m over it.

We had a conversation I ask is their a way to reconcile? She says no I’m to blame for everything now let’s move on to more important things.

Such as I’m keeping your last name, adopting my step child a few months before I can file for divorce, moving closer to her.

All a tactic to get more money from me. Yeah we can still be friends. I can no longer allow her access to me. If it’s her being a narcissist or what but it was so refreshing to hear her plan to fuck me over so she can continue to make my kids life hell.

I’m not going to stand for it. If you have a partner and they are not interested in reconciling like going to marriage counseling or therapy. You have to get the fuck out of that marriage. She wants to put the divorce on hold so we can do the steps to adopt my step daughter because it’s harder after divorce. She is actively already using the kids feelings against me. I did this and it hurts the girls. What example I’m I setting if they see me being amicable and understanding ha ha ha. I’m not going to lie I should’ve been more supportive in the marriage. On both parties there should have been effort put in.

Leave them and forget them. This co parenting bullshit is for the birds. Women don’t care about you, the kids, or themselves at the end of the day. It’s always but I’m the one that’s hurt. I’m upset. Fuck me. Don’t fuck me.

Women mean nothing these days. They will always resort to shady practices to secure $$$.

I can’t believe she actually told me her plan. She thinks I’m so under her control that she can do anything to me. Treat me any kind of way while not taking care of her children. It’s insane.

I’m expected to pay, to just lay down. After trying for years to show her that we could do better. That she could be better. You end up grieving a person that never existed. You put a lie in your head and say I want my wife to change and be the woman I know she can be. It will never happen and you lose your identity as a father/husband because of it. You purposely entertain the bullshit hoping for the outcome you wanted. You get the shit end of the stick every time fellas. It doesn’t matter about your career or your house or kids or the damn dogs.

If I never complained or stated my unhappiness with my life. I know my wife would have stayed with me until I died. For what? That direct deposit of course. I meant nothing, my kids are pieces on a board to fuck with my emotions and they know it fellas. Don’t get played protect yourself no matter what. My wife would never…You better get that shit out of your head right now because she is totally capable when shit hits the fan.

She will say and do things you never thought were possible. Just to fuck you over.

What does my life look like? I have a quiet ass home. I’m alone my “bestie” is gearing up to live her best life. We are both broke I’m paying for my bills and hers. It’s always I’m flying here a show there. Don’t forget this concerts coming up. Then complains moneys tight. No shit Sherlock. I can’t say the CS I send is used properly. I had to convince her to let me buy her groceries for my kids. She wanted me to transfer it so she could use it as play money. I’m not fueling her bullshit lifestyle anymore.

I can’t work nobody’s gonna hire me. She works from home and refuses to clean. Last time I was there her dog shit everywhere and she was not concerned at all. She just sat there and continued working. I had to step outside it was just nauseating. I give her a ride after she left town and she and my daughter reek. This odor mixed with dog shit it doesn’t make any sense. Her cars a mess it’s filled with old takeout and you guessed it smells like dog shit.

I’ve had enough she is dependent on me playing nice while forcing my children to live in this fucked up environment where she always says “everything is fine”. I’m not supposed to react emotionally when my kids think that all this is normal. My kids are fucked. She is unwilling to address her depression or trauma at all. You fix it by blaming others and never taking accountability.

Good luck fellas

Don’t waste your time. Move on immediately don’t dwell. The love was never real. It sucks to have kids mixed up in the shit show. Grow, learn be better for them. Go to the gym,find a hobby, go on dates. You have to live go find yourself and your people/person.

It’s rinse and repeat. I’ve cried gone through depression it’s not worth it. The person I call my best friend is now my enemy and out to prove I’m at fault for it all. Read all the posts it’s the same each time.

They’re not worth it but you are and if you have kids they certainly deserve a good father and a person that can pick up them up and carry them through all the bullshit. I expect to be the fictional parent in their lives from now on. They can’t depend on their mother for anything.

Cut ties and move on do not focus on them. You can’t control them or what they do. They will fuck someone else in your house. They will turn your kids/family/friends against you.

They will bleed you dry and take everything. They will bring another man around your children. They will tell you they want to work things out while seeing other men. They will threaten you and make false accusations. They will lie, blame, and cheat. They will say you caused it all no matter what you think you’ve done by being a provider/caretaker. You could have remained faithful but think your having affairs.

You can have nothing in the end and she would feel so empowered by you being at your lowest. She wants you to suffer because it’s what men deserve.

Thanks for letting me get it out. Keep your heads up boys