Married 21 years, two teens, great kids, love my house, yards, and dogs. I also love my wife.

I realize I fucked up and spiraled bad when I lost my job after moving to a new place. Got a new job that sucked my soul, and then my dad died from cancer. Hospice fucked me up. I admit that I wasn't a great guy. The inheritance I got i put in a single account and added her like 6 months later. Didn't misspend it, did vacations, family shit all those type of things. Paid off like 30k in debt. This all spanned over the last 2 years.

I also kept one account hidden that pays about 7k over 5 years. Why? I dont know. I was tired, mentally nuts, greedy, needed something to fill my pain. I bought stupid shit. Under law, it was my inheritance so I didn't break anything, just a fucking asshole.

My wife's side. We moved about five years ago after she had an emotional affair and severe depressive mode. She has depression issues very heavy seasonally. She works about 15 hours a week and the house is never really up to where it should be. She also smokes weed a lot and doesn't do chores all that much.

I recognize that I became very critical in my trauma and am owning my shit. I've been in therapy for over a month and it has really opened my eyes to issues I have. I also recognize how my anxiety has been trash.

We are currently in a "conscious uncoupling phase" to end our marriage well or just wait and see what the f is going on and focus on our individual goals and not the relationship.

I really don't want to divorce or separate but I'm trying to prepare for the worse outcome and would like some advice. We can't afford to live where we live on separate incomes and I really don't want me kids to change schools due to this. We have an equitable distribution state and I make about 70% of our income. If she worked fulltime she would make more than me.