Looking for advice here, or maybe just perspective..

So while I'm out one night, this girl walks up and just hands me her number on a piece of paper before skirting out the door. I call her up the next day and we plan to meet up that night. She immediately suggests going straight out for drinks and I say that sounds good. Not a typical first date but I didn't mind, I appreciated the initiative anyway. We end up going to a sort of cozy bar where we could talk and get to know each other. It was an off night so very low key atmosphere. I get there a little before her, sort of by accident since I had forgotten she told she needed thirty minutes to get ready or that she wasn't home yet or something. I text her when I start heading to the bar. When she got there she apologized profusely for being late, to which I had to reiterate multiple times that it wasn't a big deal and that it was my fault for forgetting about her needing the extra time.

I noticed a self esteem issue right away though as she seemed to go in to hyper drive with the conversation, almost a performance laying out every mundane detail of multiple directionless stories about her life. When I say directionless I don't mean to sound snobby, I just mean she appeared to be going by a script of talking points, in a headstrong way of establishing her dominance over the interaction or something, not really cognizant of any back and forth flow or even whether I was keeping up. When I'd interject and ask her to explain or repeat something she seemed impatient, giving short answers and then immediately back to her monologue. It was almost like I was in a class or listening to a presentation. Whenever she did stop she would leave a less than courteous silence in the air, a very forceful cue to me to return fire, using her imagined dominance to place an obviously intentional pressure on me to respond with equal impressiveness. Now, I give no fucks about this show-boaty way of interacting and honestly felt no pressure whatsoever from this poor girl, but I did use the opportunity to try and realign the energy of the interaction to something more.. personable I guess. I tried to demonstrate a certain venerability in what I was saying, not rushing my thoughts but casually getting to them, showing that I felt at complete ease in my sharply contrasting way of communicating. For instance, she mentioned working for Teach For America, where she goes into inner city schools and has to deal with belligerent students and the craziness etc etc. I happen to be more of an alt right political leaning so when she starts to frame it like the system is inherently out to get black people I just nod and smile politely, but anyway.. With these experiences she describes I respond sympathetically and try to put some sort of positive spin on it, looking to the brighter side, or at least acknowledge that there's only so much that she could do about it and that her contribution is important. On our second "date", we returned briefly to the topic of her work and she seemed almost offended when I used the word 'noble' to describe it, as if that descriptor somehow cheapens the struggle or something idk.

Anyway the whole first date I could tell she had just a panicky quick-to-judge, must-say-something energy about her. She's from New Jersey and seemed heavily dependent on those Jersey/Italian tropes to define her personality. We, or she I should say, went through a list of her family members for a good 45 minutes at least, to which I sort of generously fake chuckled the whole "aw shucks, that sounds crazy" or "wow, go on" bit.

We made out a little outside as she waited for her uber. She had insisted on buying all the drinks, saying I could just owe her for next time, thus not-so-gently obliging me to another date, which I didn't necessarily mind but still felt a little weirded out by. I guess I was just felt kind of slighted that she would use such an immodest tactic to coerce me into another date, obviously trying to exert a significant amount of control over how we would proceed with each other. She's 23, never had a boyfriend, and says shes a feminist and thinks it's "weird" for guys to pay for girls and that that was why (really just for second date). I understand guys use this tactic on girls a lot but I also think there's sort of an understanding in that situation that the guy is simply trying to emphasize his interest by going out on a limb and only half-seriously proposing some kind of wager, to which he does not sincerely expect to be recouped or even taken up on but really just uses it as a gesture of communication of interest. That to me is a lot different than the controlling way this was done, cuz being the guy of course, I look would look a lot more like an asshole by not both accepting the new date and buying her new drinks. And she understands that difference, which is why she knew it would probably work. But I digress.

The next day I don't call her or text her, she seemed sufficiently controlling so my withdrawal was another attempted negation of that, the implicit message being that I had my own things to do and could easily drop her if need be, no attachment whatsoever. To me, she seemed like she could use a little dose of denial, to bring her ego down if nothing else.

She messages me the next day talking about meeting up with some friends. I say cool, and that I'd text to find out where they're at to meet them. I text her at 8pm, she ignores for an hour, I call at 9pm, she answers and says they've already been out at the bar. Revenge? Probably, but I honestly wasn't all that invested at this point anyway so I just ignored it and headed out.

We have the second date and this time we're with her friend from out of town, Virginia, who's a 24 year old buxomy blonde but with the mannerisms, communication skills and mind of a 6 year old girl. Her and my date are cackling nonstop. Overhear them, as was intended, making jokes about cumming in her pants as the two giggle and repeatedly grab each others' boobs, I guess attempting to add an irreverent or nerves-inducing sexual energy to the group dynamic but otherwise ignoring the other dude, a coworker of the girl I was with, and I. The listless look in his face said it all. I, on the other hand, walked right up and pointed out what they were doing saying "are yall grabbing each other's boobs?" They immediately stopped. I try to relate to the other dude as much as I can. He's guarded but eventually comes around and we get to talking about music. The severely immature girls see that we're carrying on without them at this point and immediately insert themselves back into the group, pretending to suddenly be unbearably bored and demanding to know what the plan is next. Having made my efforts to cobble some semblance of decent group cohesion, I start to check out assertiveness-wise and they all decide that we're going to another bar down the street. As we're all walking, I get her to step aside with me and try to just reaffirm that everything is okay, telling her she looks nice, which she did, and just flirt a little, making out for a quick second. To my dismay though, immediately after we stop she goes, "Are you done?" Bewildered by the question having finally procured some intimacy between us again, I stumble for a response . I smile instead and hold her, but she only becomes more unruly in an almost disciplinary tone saying it was imperative that she get back to her friend, who from what I could tell was completely content chatting with the other dude. What got me most of all though was the tone, seeming to try to liken my desire to be close to her as being the same as a dog desiring to be petted, which was highly insulting. Little did I know this was only the first calculated projection she would make about my wanting to be close to her that night.

It ends up being a terrible dueling piano bar with a five dollar cover and no chance of hearing anyone of us talk. The dude and I continue standing around in noise, sipping beers, trying not to seem like a lingering creeps while the giggling girl group carries on. Other dude and I have both checked out and are both just people watching but getting slowly more impatient with the situation. The bar was a mess, picture people of walmart drunkenly singing country. After getting her to come off to another part of the bar with me, we kiss a little more, but she can't seem to open up at all, and I mean at all. There is a clear wall separating my reality from her and there is no getting in. She's basically looking at me like an exhibit or something. No relaxation, no contentment whatsoever. It's like she's trying to make me feel like I'm wasting her time as we both just stand there listening to one of the other bands. She simply HAS so get back to her friend again so we go back in after about 10 minutes.

We finally get to talking at the end of the night when the bar starts to clear out, her friend and the other dude are talking. I say I wish we had been able to talk more. She promptly goes "well you can take me to dinner next weekend" with a heavy "No Shit" overtone to it. A week is a long time so I express my dissatisfaction with that idea and with the present night and then she drops the line of the night... "I don't just have sex with strange guys". In comes the second calculated projection about my wanting to be close. I'm truly dumbfounded. Here I had been enduring all of this, not getting to talk to her at all, going out of my way to engage with what was initially a less than inviting group, to participate, all while constantly having to combat her continued attitude and immaturity, and now I have to fend off the accusation that I'm only out for sex? That really was the last straw.. I was sort of caught off guard but tell her I'm not trying to be made to seem creepy and that I literally didn't know what to say to make her relax at that point, that she seemed annoyed the whole night an that I really had no idea what I could do for her at this point.. I tell her I'm leaving. It was about 1am by then. She starts to get panicky, tries a last minute grab for dominance by accusing me of "acting weird" just before her face completely changes to a pleading expression as she impotently demands a goodnight kiss, I guess sensing that I'm done. And at that point I was.

Women are children. Men and anything masculine has become so thoroughly pathologized by feminists and greater society that women and men literally can't have proper relationships anymore, I'm convinced. These women try to manipulate men into shame by strategically mischaracterizing their actions according to a wide plethora of feminist tropes, an ever-growing toolbox of guilt-inducing smoke and mirrors projections than deep down even they know are complete bullshit. Who cares though, its about control. We can just keep pretending to feel scared and in need of special treatment, proclaiming that it's about "empowerment", while we gradually gain a complete dictatorship over how society and personal relations are to be run. Most men, amidst the overwhelming onslaught of this male bashing culture, have so little idea of how to even comfortably inhabit their maleness that they become stilted caricatures of themselves, "acting" instead of simply falling back into an easy being, which needs no help and gives no fucks. Either that or they're fully blue pill, wearing effeminate clothing, adopting lisps and basically contributing to the fall of the species. There is no space for maleness in dating or in society in general anymore. We've been completely marginalized into nothingness, with no options left but to muster some fake contentment as we desperately cling to unsavory relations with seemingly brainwashed but probably duplicitous women.

The west is dead