Hello, guys,

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I'm quite green redpiller, I'm still having some troubles swallowing this bite. I know it's true, I see it, but the cognitive dissonance is quite big and I still need some more time to accept it and let it sink.

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However, I need some help with advice or even better, method or path of solving my issues.

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As most of you, I got the redpill in a very low point of my life, heart-broken, devastated and merely a shadow of myself, still in a relationship that was continuing to hurt me. A very close friend of mine handed me the Corey book, and said this will change your life. He was absolutely right.

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The relationship I was in was with a very insecure girl, with daddy issues, accepting any male attention she can lay her hands on. At the begging of it I didn't know that, and I learned it the hard way. I was doing what I was told by the society I should do in order one relationship to prosper, but everything was falling apart.

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After reading the book, seeing understanding how true it was I understood how FUBAR was everything in this relationship. I ended it (with which I'm still very proud). And moved on.

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I gave myself some months to heal, I though I did it. I implemented everything I understood and remembered from all the books on the topic, changed entirely my mind, my mentality, etc. I learned from all of this, I become stronger, more aware of the world and how it's working. And naturally as every goal-driven, strong and a bit arrogant male, I started attracting female attention. I carefully picked one girl that's giving all the good signs for a normal female - healthy family, as aware as possible of her emotions, preferring to be alone instead of being in unsatisfactory relationship, etc.

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Right now I'm one year in this relationship, and everything is still quite good. She seeks my attention, my touch, tries to please me, etc.

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However through the development of this relationship I realized that I'm not entirely healed. Even she gives no sign of wanting to monkey branch to another male, I have mistrust issues as a legacy from my former relationship. Every time she goes out with her friends I can't stop thinking about her cheating on me or things of that sort. I can't sleep, my heart is pounding, my blood pressure rises through the roof, etc. I can't function properly. I'm not giving any of this away, I'm not trying to reach to her, not asking where she was when she comes back, etc. I know she is not cheating on me (at the moment :P), she is sharing her location with me, by her will telling me where she was, how she spent the evening, and everything checks out that she's loyal.

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But that doesn't help my over-attachment at all. I have no trouble dumping her if anything changes, but that's the rational me. My main problem is not knowing if I have been cheated or not. And why this bugs me that much.

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I know I'll understand, I'll see it in her behavior, I've seen it a few times, I'm know I'll recognize it. However, that rationalization, that knowledge doesn't help my emotions in any way. This nerve is still exposed from my previous relationship and It's not healing, or it's doing too slowly. I know that this issue is rooted in the fact that I came from fucked up family, with soft and powerless father, strong and independent mother, and due to that in my early age I suffered from mother attention deficiency.

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I know that his is issue for professional help, but the country I'm in, the therapy is still nor very well spread. There are some good professionals, but most of them are female. I'm friends with some of them, and as you can expect, they are unable to help with this exact issue.

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So help me guys, guide me through that. If you need more information, more background, I'll tell, I have no problems of opening up on any of this topics.

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