Hi r/asktrp. If you look my history you'll see that I've posted about this before and I'm doing it again to see what different answers there are. Basically, I'm on an antidepressant and two antipsychotics because I was going through a stage of extreme fear that something changed in the cosmos or God/the universe decided that I should no longer hook up with girls, either for my own protection of because of sadism (since I've hooked up in the past but am now on a dry spell). I'm also seeing a male psychologist and we're doing this CBT paperwork but I don't see my thoughts changing on the subconscious level. Today I studied a little bit of the only subject I'm taking, but most of what was going through my mind is, "What if I stay celibate forever? It would be too good to be true to actually hook up again because it feels so magical." Obsessive and "irrational" thoughts like that. I'm doing nofap, running two miles three times a week, and am taking a break from lifting because I have to figure out what to do about my scoliosis. u/GayLubeOil once suggests I tried (microdosing?) shrooms but I'd have to go somewhere it's legal because I don't want to risk getting arrested. I'll continue later as I have to go now.