I didn't make friends in the last decade. Now I want to befriend someone but I screwed up. Should I move on or is there something I can do?

Velebit · 2016-10-13T09:09:05+00:00

This is a really hard one. Firstly the problem is that we as men don't tend to have a ingroup feeling unless we are actually a part of a brotherhood. I noticed that friendships are easily created and cemented when guys become brothers of a sort in some male-dominated activity. Good examples are military, policework, hunting, non-competitive sports, bikers etc.

Anywhere where you don't have that me-against-all mentality you find a instant switch in collective brain of the group and all those individualistic barriers are broken much faster if you are accepted as a part of a brotherhood. Many here in trp push hard the notion of independence and a one-man-army mentality but that is impossible unless you are psychopath and people saying they don't need anyone are bsing, mostly themselves.

Humanity survived because of collectivist endeavors and there is a lot of that there.

Second problem is that we change as we grow up and the logic of making friends changes with time. You cannot use the same principles with 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, or with 50... It will not really work in the same way, the dynamics change and so our prime friendmaking age is 13-25. After that period we have less opportunity, less time, less will to do it, and frankly less need because we learned how to do things on our own and that most friends are not really friends but just people who exchange their time for your when they are bored and it suits them.

In the end, my advice is to find some sort of manly non-competitive collective environment. If you try poker you will have harder time than if you try joining a group of bikers for example. These are both expensive suggestions but you should be able to figure out what I mean. Secondly, try to lose the everyone is competitor mentality with your potential friends. Establish limits on what you can agree and avoid stuff you can't like radiation. Many of my friendships have been ruined by discussions about politics. Just avoid those subjects. Try taking a few points from girls. They mostly discuss personal life events and people, not really things and positions which tend to devolve into divisive subjects and drain your mental energy trying to solve a problem.

I myself don't have energy to go out more than 3-4 times a week because my socializing energy is limited and reserved to people I like and have to see anyway. If I get forced into to much socializing I get annoyed and tend to provoke arguments and become antisocial itching for an excuse to make a mess.

ellodarknessmyoldbro · 2016-10-13T08:49:54+00:00

She was helping me to figure out stuff

She? Yeah, weird, when I talk about friends I don't use terms like I screwed up.

This is the first person I want to befriend in the last decade.

Yep. Because you are mentally a chick. You should have male friends. I have 0 female friends. They couldn't keep up with a 30 minute conversation about tactical duck fucking.

enough value in this friendship

You mean you want to fuck her but your too much of a beta pussy to do anything about it...let alone admit it that friendship isn't even what you want.

So why would she want to spend time with me?

Nope. You're a chick with a dick. You wanna change that?

I acted in a way to prevent bonding a connection/friendship

Oh for fuck sake. Do you have violins playing in the background?

Okay, so here's what I want you to do. Buy Models by Mark Manson, The Way of Men by Jack Donovan, and everything by Athol Kay. You're not best at reading social signs? Models will explain the small movements you can't see. You wanna know what women are looking for? Athol Kay and Mark Manson will explicitely tell you. Buy Way of Men because fuck, it's a great book and you need to start growing a pair of balls.

Title	I didn't make friends in the last decade. Now I want to befriend someone but I screwed up. Should I move on or is there something I can do?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	October 13, 2016 8:12 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5797pd/i_didnt_make_friends_in_the_last_decade_now_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-didnt-make-friends-in-the-last-decade-now-i-want.183725 https://theredarchive.com/post/183725

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