I just needed to get my thoughts out here and wouldn't mind feedback or shared experiences from you guys.

TLDR: Push your boundaries - live on the edge of your comfort zone. Mindset and momentum are vitally important. Stop wasting time on your EX - even if you can reignite that flame, it's not worth it and there's a 100% chance you'll both default to whatever relationship dynamic you shared in the past.

  • The trip
  • The escort
  • The waitress
  • The ex

Let me quickly preface this with; It's going to be long but you should be able to skim it the way that it's written.

Also, I've been doing "No Porn" for about 2 months now and enjoying life a lot more this way. I fap once or twice a week as needed but generally try to limit it. I edge myself occasionally when I feel like I'm losing my mojo - it tends to give me more energy in the gym. If it's not your thing, that's fine, but it helps me so I'm doing it.

The Trip

My work called and let me know that someone wasn't able to sort their passport out in time to go to a rather large tech conference. On short notice (less than 5 days). They asked me if I could go. I was honestly hesitant at first because I don't travel much but there's no time like the present and I knew I could make it into a character building experience.

Since I wouldn't know anyone there and it wasn't specifically my field of expertise, I'd be forced into socializing with strangers every day - not only small talk, but talking shop as well.

Anyway long story short, I decided to make the trip about me and improving myself - to continue the general theme in my life over the last 6 months.

The Escort

Fuck it, this one has been on my list for a little while and "going through a dry spell" would be the understatement of the fucking year... no literally, the entire year.

Since I was in a big city I decided there wouldn't be a better time. I found a girl who was well reviewed, was very attractive, young, etc etc and set up a date. It was a bit more than I was wanting to pay, but fuck it... It'd be worth it to get it off the list and end this god damn dry spell.

We agree on Thursday night, the night before I leave back home. The date is set, time to focus on other shit.

The Waitress

So, I'm sitting down for lunch on my own the next day when a young pretty waitress comes to serve my table. She's hovering comfortably around a 6, but seems really sweet and genuine. She's not fat, but not skinny. Girls abuse the word "curvy" and "thick" but she fit the description. No rolls, just a bit thick in all the right places (Latin genetics)

She's got a sparkle in her eye when we talk so I liven up a bit and we banter back and forth. For the record, I'm no Don Juan when it comes to talking girls up but this felt easy and natural this time. I'm not sure if It was due to my mind set because I was out of town, or because I had a date set up already on Thursday or what, but it just felt relatively easy.

She's giving me IOI's and I honestly have no idea what I'm doing because it's a lot going on all at once - It's hard to mind yourself in this state. I try to ask her out to coffee as I'm paying the bill but I can't. It's like the words won't come out and my mind starts racing with reasons why I shouldn't.

  • She'll think i'm just some hotel creep looking to get laid.
  • She gets hit on at work all the time I'm sure, it'll probably piss her off
  • Play it cool, don't look needy, you can ask her next time you're here....

Things like this. These things where huge discoveries for me when thinking back on it. These limiting beliefs and excuses are a mask for my insecurity and fears.

So two days go by before I work up the fucking balls to ask her out. I saw she was working and her work was slow, I passed by twice as I teetered on the edge of sanity - the regret of not asking earlier slowly eating me from the inside, and the fear of asking now in front of everyone else beating me into submission.

Now I did finally do it - I was on "vacation", had nothing to lose, and had a guaranteed lay on Thursday... plus I don't think I could continue to live with that regret like I have all my life before. At this point I'm so worked up I can hardly pay attention to things like my posture, my tone, the cadence of my words... All I can think about is how everyone is watching me walk into this restaurant directly approaching one of the waitresses.

So with only the words I had memorized of "Hey, I don't have plans later tonight, I'd like to go for coffee with your after you're done your shift" replaying in my head over and over, I walked up to her (in whatever fashion it was at the time - i honestly have no idea.) and did my best to recite my perfectly crafted question...

It's all a bit blurry but I do remember projecting how nervous I was in my voice. I also remember asking it like a little bitch with an upward inflection at the end that might suggest "it's a long shot for me to ask and she'll probably say no, but here goes anywayyyy".

Keep in mind this was at least two full days after having met her for a total of 30 minutes while eating lunch...

To my surprise she said yes. Though the greatest relief was that I asked at all. Even if she said "No, get lost loser" I would have felt better. The relief of not having that regret was like having a giant weight lifted from my shoulders. I now try to remember this as often as possible to hopefully motivate myself to ask other women out.

This was the eventful part really. We went for coffee and had a nice time. I was myself after a few minutes and she continued to give IOI's and doe eyes. We discussed my approach and me asking her out, oddly enough. She said she rarely gets asked out at work - drunk business men hit on her, but it's silly to assume that asking her out would have pissed her off. THE MORE YOU KNOW!.

We meet up again on Wednesday night, go for a walk around the city and catch a movie. Lots of kino, lots of push pull, some rather deep discussions (maybe too deep for such a casual encounter - I have a habit of being genuinely interested in people on a deep level). A good make out or two and the bluest of blue balls. Logistics prevent a happy ending for either of us.

The Escort Pt2

Thursday morning rolls around and I'm feeling pretty good about myself at this point. I'm really looking forward to breaking my dry spell with this girl who for all intents and purposes looks to be a 9.

I'm also really excited not to have to worry about the pressure of performing well in bed.

She messages me early in the morning and says that mother nature came a bit early, plans are off.

FUCK. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk.....

I thank her for her prompt and professional replies and go on with my rather disappointing day.

Fuck it, I end up contacting one of the vendors at the conference that I met breifly and we go for drinks with another guy at a pub. I have a really good time and get pretty drunk. It was just a fun time.

Friday is my last day in town and the waitress wants to meet me again. I agree but tell her she has to come pick me up and give me a ride to the airport after.

We end up at her place watching the Princess Bride and another heavy makeout / petting session. I kind of feel like a fucking teenager again TBH.

If there are ever any go-to movies I've ever needed to get laid it's always these two in this order: Don Juan DeMarco, and The Princess Bride. Everyone has seen them, everyone likes them, and they're just mooshy enough to keep girls in the mood between pushing and pulling.

Makeout continues and we move to her bedroom... This is it, it's going to happen!! Dry spell finally ovvveerrrrrr..... Annnnd she's also on her period. FML, I cannot catch a fucking break.

Turns out this was for the better because she started getting super attached when I left. Tons of shit tests and judgement stuff, some accusations that I just was using her etc etc. I actually saw it for what it was and handled it really well - It was a really good litmus test for my progress in general. Big thanks to TRP and the book, No More Mr Nice Guy. I think it's in part because she's a rather average looking girl who doesn't get a lot of attention from decent guys as well as the fact that we were discussing some pretty deep topics (which I enjoy - but should monitor and restrict).

We keep in touch still and she's a really sweet girl who I enjoy flirting with. It'll fizzle out due tot he distance I'm sure but the experience is still fun and the validation is nice to have.

The Ex

I had a much longer story here, but it's needless details. Here's the gist of it:

Still only 1 fap in 2 weeks. Been too busy and don't want to lose my drive before we meet up.

We meet up, try kissing, she says she wants but doesn't want to get emotionally invested again. Declines advances. Says she's seeing someone else casually.

I'm trying to be as brutally honest about my intentions as possible - a stark contrast from when we dated. This is met with mixed reactions.

She gets emotional, says she's lonely and life is hard, cry's, sleeps over. I initiate sex in the morning. I can't last more than 5 or 6 minutes after foreplay. No fap recently, plus 7 years of her knowing how to drain me... I'm being dominant, moving, touching, talking, she gets into it... only makes me nut faster. FML.

pillow talk for 30 minutes in bed after. I make breakfast, she goes on with her day.

Text a few times get some kind of affirmation on text that everything is copacetic... still feels like pitty/reciprocity sex for me "being nice and listening to her all night".

Anyway, TLDR; Don't waste time or effort on an ex. You both end up feeling like shit. Even if you can rekindle an old flame, You're only doing yourself a disservice. Think about what you hope to achieve and at what cost.

Every time I'm with her I feel like I quickly regress into the person I used to be, into the habits I used to have. It makes me feel like a chump and nothing good comes of it - regardless of the sex. I cared so much about her that I honestly feel like she deserves to be treated nice and listened to, and coddled like a child with her issues. The pedestal doesn't exist for me - I literally cannot see it, that was just her place. I'm only made aware of this when she tells me "You're really much to sweet to me". and I'm only recently aware that this isn't a compliment but a warning. A warning that's been staring me in the face for the last 4 years - to which I was oblivious and to which I'm now completely incapable of changing my ways around her.

Lessons learned

  • Don't assume people's judgement's on you - it'll only prevent you from achieving the things you want.
  • Abundance mentality is powerful but hard to maintain, don't be afraid to cheat the system with money.
  • For the love of god, don't be tempted to measure your progress with an ex. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF IT.
  • No Fap(lite) killed my stamina in the sack - the other benefits are good, but the sensitivity is an issue. Will have to rub one out before the next encounter and deal with the lowered drive in other ways.
  • Find that momentum from the little wins, and the little things and don't let it fade. Guard it at all costs and don't lapse into weakness (seeking validation from an ex).

Questions, comments, similar experiences welcomed.