Man. I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm quite pissed. I went to a high school game cause I had to for one. Secondly to talk to girls...Idk why I even try to improve myself this is bullshit. One HB8 I was trying to focus on kept scurrying around like she needed to take my ADD pills. My body was screaming at me to escalate and makeout close. Completely different from reality where I stood around like a orbiter following her around cause she wanted to avoid her ex. Not only that her other beta orbiter follows her with me too, ruining a chance to try to talk seriously.

I give up and break off cause I don't even feel like I'm having fun with her at all not only that I could only cringe when she said "I'm going to go talk to this X guy" I'm like wtf bitch then why put your number in my phone and approach me then.

I ditch her to talk with some basic peeps who are more acquaintances than friends. Every time I talk to people I feel like a fucking dancing monkey or I always feel awkward in people's faces. As if I don't even belong around people. Yea I do enjoy people's company but now I'm just pissed. Pissed cause I'm so enthusiastic about people and 99% of the time it's me approaching to talk them up. And the convo is not even worth the trouble since it's some shallow topics.

If I don't put on my entertainer persona it feels like nobody even cares about me. If I try to be serious people get bored. What the fuck is the point? If this continues I'll just say fuck people and dedicate all my life to making money to enjoy my time alone. Cause this is bullshit.