Old post: http://redd.it/32c4nm

Good afternoon! So a quick update, nothing surprising really – my takeaway is my “boyfriend” (I’ll call him John”) has “white knight” syndrome for Anna and it’s really not attractive. John and I were at a fancy dinner last night and we were just generally talking about our friends. John had some alcohol and we’re both lightweights. I was driving so I did not drink, and he was talking a little more freely than usual. He mentioned a male friend of mind, “Rob”, who my boyfriend says likes me, and is just being friends with me so he can swoop in if John and I break up and that most men wouldn’t invest time in a woman if they didn’t like them (cough cough). Possible, sure fine, and I told John that I don’t need to be friends with Rob then, no big deal.

So then the subject turned to “Anna” (as an aside, let’s call the married female friend he has “Jane”). He said “to be perfectly honest, when I first met her, I thought Anna was VERY attractive.” “BUT” as they got to know each other he saw they were so incompatible that it was now TOTALLY PLATONIC between them (his own emphasis), and that’s why he was comfortable going on this trip with her. He said that Anna was extremely religious, her father was a Rabbi and she only wants to be with someone who is Jewish. He’s agnostic, and said he couldn’t be with ANYONE really religious and definitely not with someone whose dad was a Rabbi.

That Anna is a “really good girl”, with a really warm heart, but her family is mean to her, her sister is mean to her, her friends all seem like “bitches” and so she just needs someone there for her. Her “center” is a little messed up because she has so many negative influences in her life, but the core of who she is, is really good. I mean really, she is a REALLY GOOD PERSON.

Then he was saying how Jane has been really annoyed with Anna lately and just kind of fed up with her behavior (whatever that is), and John was telling Jane that she needed to be there for Anna as well and be a good friend to her, because Anna’s done so much for Jane, etc. and now he’s annoyed with Jane for being annoyed with Anna. Still with me?

After about ten minutes of this, I was so turned-off by him; I was ready to pay the tab on dinner just to get out of there. So then I teasingly said that if Anna came on to him, he was a goner, and he was adamant that she wouldn’t do that. To which I responded that was different than him not being a “goner”. He thought about it and still denied anything would happen because he knew they were incompatible. He talked a little more about other stuff of which I had no interest in at that point, we finished our meal and left. Then he asked if I was okay a few times later on, and I didn’t say anything about it.

On the drive home, I mentioned to him that I was planning on moving closer to work, so we might not be able to see each other as much anymore (coincidentally, Anna has moved within five blocks of him a few weeks ago - and Jane also lives about two blocks from him). I said I’d spend this week after work looking for a place. Now, I’m not actually all that sold on moving, but it’s something I’ve considered on and off for a few months. He was pretty upset about this, and said it wouldn’t save me that much time in traffic to move and that we’d have to text each other a lot more to stay in touch (as opposed to one of us just driving the 20ish minutes it would take to see each other in the evening without traffic I suppose).

So that whole dinner conversation was basically all I needed to hear, and I’m really really not attracted to the white-knighting of this girl. Even if they don’t go on this trip together, it would be something else that would come up. I’m definitely a little chicken, so I have not broken up with him yet, but I’m going to take this week for myself and do it at the end of the week so I have my girlfriends to hang out with on the weekend.

I really don’t think he had bad intentions and I don’t think he sees what’s going on himself based on how open he was with me, but it was pretty clear to me. Having said that, it’s still hard not to vacillate now and again and feel like, well maybe he’s just being a good friend, I have female-friends I’m close with that I could say the same things about, may be I’m overreacting, etc., but I’m more sure than not that I’m making the right decision. Even if it’s platonic between them, their relationship isn’t something I’m comfortable with, and if that’s on me, then that’s on me.

I’m definitely bummed of course and I’ll give myself a permission to feel sad about it for a bit, but we haven’t invested too much time in one another, so I’ll be okay. Thanks for everyone’s help and time and I’m happy to hear any other thoughts on this or advice moving forward. Thanks again!