When I drink I have confidence (not even irrational confidence just confidence in myself cus i look at myself from an objective POV), can set boundaries, am more fun and extroverted, can pass any shit test and feel like my mind literally works faster. I feel like I would be if I wasn’t so insecure, and it isn’t even when I drink heavily a few beers can get me feeling great even though I have a pretty high tolerance.

When I’m sober I suffer from anxiety, and it underlines anything I do throughout my day. I’m very self conscious and have a super low self esteem even though I’m objectively very good looking, interesting and charismatic.

In respect to girls, I am much much more needy sober and seem to be bored by most other things in my life whether it be school or friends or whatever. I have ADD so this could be something playing into it, but even in school everytime I woke up still drunk and went to class I participate a ton and say insightful shit that the teachers have literally told me is very impressive. I can spit fantastic game when drinking to the point where I’ve bagged girls way out of my league and stolen them from taller, better looking and high status guys.

How can I eliminate this anxiety and low self esteem? I lift 6 days a week (started a relatively lax cycle of test), eat well, have an extremely active social life, am going to counciling and am on Wellbutrin an anti depressant. I Frankly have no reason to be feeling this shitty, and I’m getting extremely fed up with having my own mind hold me back.