I feel like my eyes are open in a way that they have never been before. I think it's ultimately a very good thing; however, what I see is not a glowing picture of myself!

Let me preface my saying I was heavily indoctrinated by feminism. I attended a fiercely feminist liberal arts college, where I was quite literally mocked by my peers for espousing some non-feminist views. I eventually changed my tune and started listening to them more, unfortunately.

To bring things up-to-date, I am married now (29 years old) and have endured many ups and downs in my relationship with my husband. I am a naturally sensitive, emotional person, and he does not deal with negative emotions very well. He also has a tendency to drink too much, but is getting better. Needless to say, neither of us our blameless in our marriage. Our arguments have turned verbally abusive and very heated in the past. My husband also has a serious medical condition and we have little support to deal with these issues. All-in-all, though, I am happy to say we have not yet imploded from the stress!

I came to the RP out of desperation, honestly. I was not sure how to "fix" things in my relationship. I feel like we have been teetering at the edge of a cliff.

What has changed recently, thanks to reading countless threads and watching YouTube videos about RP women, is that my focus has changed. I am looking at MYSELF and what I have done to contribute to the negativity in my relationship. For years I have focused on my husband, what he's doing, what he's NOT doing, and how he is not "fulfilling my every need." I have focused on the things he is NOT and have often ignored the positives.

We need to work on our communication skills, but I noticed that my emotions have spun out-of-control during arguments. I have nagged him. I have blamed him. I have not given him a reason to WANT to come home some days.

Is it any wonder why he's distanced himself and why he has reacted so negatively to me? Honestly, I have been exuding so much negativity toward him -- who would want to be around someone like that? I know it is a two-way street, but I am finally realizing the extent of my actions. It's not pretty, but I have to start somewhere. I want to build myself up, be a more positive and loving person, and I want to build my husband up with love and respect.

Interestingly, my therapist (and friends!) have told me that he should treat me better (yes, obviously, we BOTH have our issues) and that I deserve better. However, they haven't looked at how much my negativity has contributed to our issues. They seem to think that he should just be better at dealing with me.

So...here I am. Has anyone felt similarly when learning about the RP? Did it open to your eyes to your own issues?

Thank you for reading, ladies. :D