[TLDR 1: I have been "taking" TRP for a while now, but I still repeat some beta nice guy mistakes whenever I meet a woman from whom I want more than just sex. one thing I don't do anymore is hesitate, I usually make my intentions very clear from the beginning and never let myself get to the stated friendzone situation, but I still can't seem to manage the level of attention I give them correctly and fall into the "oneitis" trap here and there...].

[TLDR2: Have been texting with a young 18-year-old girl for a couple months now, we have met each other in person before but it was always unplanned situations and very quick encounters. I'm into the bitch, I feel a very high level of attraction for her (which I can tell is reciprocated) and I really enjoy speaking with her, she's very smart for her age. the things is: she keeps flakin' or makin' excuses every time I try to schedule a date, to the point that I've had to be totally blunt with her, tell my intentions and make clear to her that I don't wanna be her beta orbiter (didn't use those words). I have made myself scarce before but she came back and I gave into it, now she says she has a lot of exams this week, I tell her she can just say no, but she insists she wants but just can't (bullshit). Question: should I just drop it cold-turkey and ghost the fuck out of her already?]

For those interested in the story, here it goes: I'm a 30-year-old man from Brazil, my life has been a series of typical mistakes of someone who has a fairly high IQ combined with social phobia caused from too much protection from my parents. I've been a self-destructing hedonist for at least 27 years of my life, and although I have changed that for the most part, some of the old habits still insist to come back every now and then...

I was born in the south but raised in what we call the "central-west" of the country, lived there since I was 6 until I was just about 21, and then I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life: I was visiting my home city when I met what I thought was a freakin' angel, we got along right away, everything went fine, until I had to get back to where I lived (roughly 2k miles away). I spent that year totally unfocused from my life, only thinking of getting back to the city where I found said "angel". and, after 9 long months, that's what I did, in my mind I had to chase that or I wouldn't be able to do anything else.

In the beginning everything went smoothly, we started dating, it predictably turned into an LTR, we got along pretty well, the sex was freaking amazing and we pretty much spent all day together, even went to the same journalism course in college. But one thing was for certain (although I was to blind to see it at the time): the power-dynamics of the relationship were totally unbalanced, I was the weak link, I was the one afraid of losing her, and she realized that in time...

From there, naturally, my value started dropping and she started to manipulate me (or I should say: I started to let her do it). The relationship became totally toxic, we went back and forth, everyday she had a silly reason to fight and I totally bought into it and tried to explain myself reasonably (big mistake) until everything was resolved, which only drove her away that more quickly... Long story short (not really): the LTR lasted for 2 years, but our story was a long way from ending...

In the end, I was the one who put a stop to it, I was tired, exhausted, my self-esteem was in shambles and not even the seemingly incontrollable sexual attraction we had for each other did its thing anymore. The relationship became a sexual arrangement.

In the beginning I felt free, I was focusing on my life, taking care of myself, and pretty much living everything I had denied myself the past 2 years. She tried to reach me a couple times in the first weaks following our breakup, but I didn't flinch. I was decided. But then she started dating another guy, a fairly close friend of mine... and I went berserk. I didn't do anything drastic, but I started chasing her again, and, of course, only made things worse.

But the thing is: everytime I stopped chasing her, she wouldn't just leave me be, she would come after me and try to manipulate me back into it... we had a bunch of flashbacks, even when she was dating, but that only contributed to making things even more toxic. We spent the next 5 years in that crazy dynamic, my self-esteem was completely destroyed until I finally put an end to it (about 3 years ago).

But during those tribulated 5 years, I completely shut myself down to the rest of the world, stopped taking care of my health, stopped studying and pursuing my career goals. I pretty much stopped in time and created a parallel world to get away from the suffering I put myself into. I discovered she's diagnosed with a form of narcissism and sociopathy called "histrionic personality disorder", which makes sense, because I tend to attract narsissist bitches for some reason...

After all that, I found TRP, but before finding TRP I started to go out again, dated a few of chicks, nothing serious, but during the 5 years I described above I only dated the one ex-girlfriend, which completely fucked up my game (which wans't that good to begin with).

I've been taking better care of myself, going out, talking trash to some girls, here and there I spin a plate or two (eventhough I have a monogamist personality, which fucking sucks), but I am unemployed right now (that has also to do with politics, I'm a journalist and an english teacher and my field is FILLED with feminists, and I'm a fairly well-known anti-feminist in a small town, so it's really hard for me to get a job), and because of that I've been pretty much only dating younger girls, they're not that high-maintenance and it's fun.

But the time I spent being a self-destructive cunt has come back to bite me in the ass, and I'm worried I have some serious diseases, but that's an even longer story which I'll leave for another day...

Like said in "TLDR2", recently I've been texting a very pretty young girl, she pushes the same buttons the other girl in the "story" did, we get along pretty well and everything is fine, and she doens't seem to be so self-absorved as a histrionic narsissist would be. But she is leading me and hesitating to meet me in person, eventhough she's always stating how attracted she is to me. But I think she's leading me on.

I have been exercising some abundance, I have a couple of plates I could be spinning while I talk to her, but like I said in the title: TRP seems to disappear whenever I develop feelings for women. I'm not the all-nice guy anymore, but I often fall into the trap of giving too much attention...

I don't think my question is totally direct, but what are some good advices you guys could give me? I would appreciate the "hard slap on the face" approach some of you guys have, I'm probably needing it.

I know it's a long text, but I'm not sorry, fuck you, LOL. Those who wanna help, help. And yes, I have read the sidebar...

Thanks!