Have a plate, cute girl; met her during her slut phase, used to do a lot of drugs and one night stands. Claims she doesn't do it anymore, I mostly believe her; mainly cos I used to do the drugs with her and we both stopped together, but now she also acts differently, happier, more at ease etc. Goes to church, exercises, reads good books (houllebeque, mark manson), studying a PhD.

We've fucked a lot and spent a lot of time together. She knows I see other girls, I'm not bothered that she (presumably) fucks other guys. Otherwise, we're very affectionate with each other, could be mistaken for a couple in public, and pretty much act like it except for the "I love you's"

She treats me very very well, fucks me like the pornstar I dreamed of when I was a teenager. Unrequested,lfrequent, long blowjobs, she enjoys them and gets very wet. Never denies me sex, fucks in public, lets me fuck her in the ass. Is sexually very satisfying. During drug phase used to "force" her to do some pretty degenerate stuff, and she did so apprehensively but willingly.

Last year I failed out of my undergrad after repeating twice, and fell into a deep drug fueled depression. I stopped lifting, stopped eating entirely, lost all my gains and dropped about 15kg. Looked like a guant Gulag prisoner. My apartment was the archetypal trash all over the place, piles of clothes, dishes piling up, alcoholic bachelor pad. I didn't clean, eat or lift. I smoked weed or drank every day. I played video games all day. I didn't shower and stank.

All my plates left me during this period. As expected from women, they saw me at my weakest point and moved on quickly. I was in fact, very ugly, and very depressed. Not even cool dark and brooding, just anxious and high pitched voice bad posture bad breath beta.

But she stuck around. She would come to my place and clean up my whole apartment. She would continue to suck my dick and rim my asshole like nothing changed. She put up with my bad breath and bitchy whining feeling sorry for myself. She would listen to me just nod and stroke my hair, she would encourage me to get out the house to go shopping or go for walks. She would bring groceries and cook me dinner. She would get mad at me for smoking weed and distract me with blowjobs or reading from the Bible while I was trying to quit.

I don't understand how or why she stuck around during this time, when all the other girls left. By every redpill metric, she should have left me; she is better than me in every way. She is doing her PhD, I couldn't even pass my undergrad; she is an 8, I was a 4. I don't give that great of a fuck, in fact she's stopped orgasming with me (when she used to before), and I always nut too soon. My dick isn't exceptionally big, she's had much bigger (used to brag about it during her slut phase) and I'm not exceptionally handsome (I've seen her on dates with guys far more attractive than me), I'm not tall, I'm not rich, I can't think of any reason why she continues to treat me so well. She's seen me fall over, get AMOGed, get nervous around other girls, get bullied by my own friends; every single disgusting beta turn-off that would have sent others running.

I don't get it. Through all of that and she was still as sweet and supportive as ever. I took her to the gym yesterday to teach her how to squat, I've been lifting again, but pathetically. I looked and felt so skinny at the gym. There were guys next to us who were clean & jerking what I was squatting, very big, very chad like. Didn't seem to bother her, she was still all cutesy and feminine. Lots of guys checking her out and looking incredulously at the spooky skeleton she was being all kissy with.

We went to a party together last week and I got AMOGed hard by some dude and he wasn't even trying. He blatantly hit on her while he thought I was out of earshot and she politely and respectfully turned him down and then walked back over to me and then avoided him the rest of the party.

How? What's going on here? Why is she acting so contrary to everything I have not only been taught, but witnessed first hand in every other girl I've been with? She pulled me out of the loser depressed phase, without her I probably would have just rotted and died in my apartment. Now I'm out of it and I only have her to thank.

I haven't been seeing any other girls. Not attractive or confident enough to game yet, but I also kind of don't want to. She gives me everything I require. I don't feel the urge or itch to game, she fills that large hole in my that requires affection and sex. She claims she hasn't fucked another dude in a long time too. I don't really believe her, but I hang out with her so much I'm inclined to, sometimes we'll spend two weeks together; as well as she doesn't exhibit any of the behaviors of seeing another guy (it's really quite obvious when they are). She had a "boyfriend" for a few months a while back, but continued to fuck me during their short relationship until he eventually found out.

I even did the complete beta mistake and asked her to be my girlfriend, during the point where she was "rescuing" me and I developed a deep one-itis. She said no. Then we continued to hang out like nothing had changed. From then I've made sure to kill the one-itis, sometimes I ignore her for a few weeks, sometimes I have to remind myself that she had a high n-count and was a whore, and tell her that to her face (she gets upset but also kind of likes it), sometimes I fuck her in the ass and then make her suck my dick after, or piss on her.

Sorry for the fucking essay, I just don't get it. What is she up to? Why hasn't she branch swung yet? Why is she sticking around with a loser who could barely squat a plate and is balding? What is her deal? Anyone had this before? Anyone can explain her actions?