Working on keyboard parts for this guy and he says he wants this and that but

He doesn’t want that

And you know sometimes people say they know what they want

But they just think that’s what they want

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It’s like women

They say “Oh I want a guy who’s sweet and kind and thoughtful and looks after me. I want him to walk on the left side of the street so that if a car splashes through the puddles he gets wet, not me! I want him to be sensitive and in touch with his feminine side and really understand just how I’m feeling and what I’m going through. Maybe bring me some flowers for our anniversary, go shopping with me, hold my purse when I don’t feel like it…”

All those cliché, Disney Prince sort of things but

THEY don’t want THAT

They just don’t WANT IT

It’s not the kind of guy they want

The guy they want is the kind of guy that will call them out on their bullshit and tell them no when appropriate

The guy that says “listen woman I ain’t gonna be around much longer if you’re gonna keep acting like a little brat”

I had a gig on bass at a bar last night and afterward I was sitting at a table with some girls and I tell you folks: These were some god damn entitled, ungrateful little brats I was talking with.

So we all wanted some water. I get us a pitcher of water. But when I get back…The one blonde bimbo there across from me (a CNA or whatever she was studying to be), yells to me, drunk off a glass of wine “GIVE ME WATER. I WANT WATER.”

And mind you this is (for all intents and purposes) a “grown” woman—22 year of age at least. Yeah yeah she’s still just a kid but god damn!...Didn’t you learn your p’s and q’s when you were, fucking what…6? 7? Bitch who the fuck are you to DEMAND water from me after I went out of my way to ask the bartender for a pitcher for the whole table?

The thing is fellas, they god damn know just what they’re doing.

So I say to her “Excuse me? What did you say? Are you even speaking English anymore?”
“PLEEEEASE?!?” she squawks

Need I remind you this is a GROWN woman. Legally allowed to drink, pays for her own rent, drives her own car, the works. G-R-O-W-N

So I say “Nope! Sorry sister! You missed your chance.” And her friends are laughing and giggling at her. They know what’s going on.

And you know what? I should’ve fucking taken the pitcher and hurled it out the open doors LOL. Just noped the fuck out of the whole thing. But instead I opted to set it down and take a big gulp.

You guys ever see that episode of Fresh Prince where Will and Carlton go on a double date and the chick Will’s out with just walks all over him like he’s a fucking toy poodle? And she is a total cunt to the waiter, demanding her order? Then Carlton steps in and says “You forgot to say please.” You guys ever see that one? When I was like 12 I thought Carlton had some serious balls to do that. Now it just seems like…Yeah. What the hell else are you going to say to a whiny little brat like that?

Oh and also, that chick falls head over heels for Carlton. You know…The same guy who wears sweater vests and dances to Tom Jones with a goofy goober smile slapped across his face.

And you know what else? Men don’t do that shit. Men don’t ever fucking make DEMANDS like that. No “GIVE ME WATER. I NEED WATER. MY TURN. GIVE ME THE WATER. MY MOUTH IS THE FUCKING SAHARA DESERT I NEED IT NOOOOOOOOOOOW” you know unless they’re just joking around and being jackasses or something: They never do it unironically. If they did? They’d be fucking laughed out of town or beaten to a pulp.

Then the other thing you start thinking about is, well, she must get away with that fairly often or it wouldn’t be such a default state for her. Because whatever man is in her life (or has been) didn’t put his foot down and say “No.”

That’s the thing with these young women they’re just never told “no” because this generation of men we’re raising is raised on “the woman is always right” and “happy wife happy life” and “women are like goddesses gentlemen if you say one bad thing to a woman you’re outta line you gotta take it up with me boy I got like 13 friends that are girls you know what I’m sayin” and whatever other beta male strategy you wanna find on instagram.

Women are infallible.

ANYWAY that’s how you get laid boys! Just tell them “No.” Bada bing bada boom