TL;DR After a 10 years LTR of being the supreme blind beta provider, I found out I got cheated on. This is the story of how TRP showed me the rules of a game I did not knew I was playing when I thought I was meant to live a life being pathetic.

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Ok, so this is my first post ever in TRP-village and I'm a french-Canadian so I might do some mistakes. It's 1:30 AM my alarm clock will ring in 4 hours but damn, I wanted to get it off my chest. I've never talked to anyone about this.

I broke up last January with my 10 YO relationship GF because I found out she cheated a year ago and thought no one would've ever knew, which didn’t happen, obviously. I was the total ''Nice guy finish last, beta provider'' I couldn’t have dried up her vagina more acting like this than if she had permanent ever-active vacuum stuck up in her pussy. Oh, we would fuck, but her face and attitude wanted to say '' I guess I'll let you masturbate in me'' which is one of the best feeling ever if you want to doubt about your sex skills and give you sexual performance anxiety which sometimes leads to premature ejaculation, asking for a friend.

I didn’t want to let her go but I couldn’t tolerate that disrespect, which was hurting like a bitch, because she was now living in penis-land, trying to fuck everyone and everything on this galaxy. So I became a living garbage bag for like 2 months but had to man up because... well, fuck, the world keep spinning, I've got my own business, a couple of employees and a partner so I had to get my shit together, people we're counting on me. The thing is, for some dumb reason, I thought I'd never get another hot girl ever... Confidence level was about 0.

While I was feeling sorry for myself and reading some dumbass shit somewhere on the internet about ''It's up to you to decide if you can forgive her’’, ‘’How to get her back in your life'' and ''10 tips on how to make her apologize for cheating on you'’ (YES, I was THIS pathetic) some link got me here on reddit... and FUCK ME!

Everything started to make sense: I simply was playing in a big game and did not knew the rules.

When I ended on /r/TheRedPill I spent 2 days trying to read everything, felt so much better knowing that I was flawed but could recover. So I started to use that hard truth to finally enter the dance and have the good mindset about how relationship goes : ''I'm the treasure and woman, you have to prove yourself worthy of me and my time'' instead of ''Can you please show interest in me, I’ll take anything''

That attitude is pure GOLD. I don’t want to sound cocky because that's not the point and I'm not bragging, but damn, I now feel like there is a ''fuck probability'' with almost EVERY women that I knew or encounter, single or not. The simple fact that I believe it gives me the attitude to make it happen, if that makes any sense. The non-verbal you know : staring a little bit too long, she laughs a little too much at my jokes (funny or not) etc... And guess what? Sexual performance anxiety disappeared...

I already was lifting, I look good I guess (anyway 80% of your sex appeal is in the attitude), so I tweaked my Instagram and Facebook accounts and installed Tinder on my phone. I created that ''character'' based on everything I learned here, making Microsoft word documents about the good stuff I wanted to keep in mind, keep it on my phone to meditate on those ideas every day, only 5 minutes, but every day. Started to play that character. That dude with unbreakable frame that doesn’t get affected by anything, coolness level over 9000. I was literally playing a role like an actor, that Sweet-bad-boy-who-plays-you-and-you-know-it-but-flirting-with-him-isint-cheating-is-it? Until that moment when she reach to kiss you on both cheeks but you don’t turn your head and wait while staring at her like you know that has some effect, the stare you give when you're at the bar and threes too much eye contact with this girl this one! You won’t even have to do the move, you just stay there and stare at her with that smirk. You'll know when it's the time to try that move, trust your gut, they're humans exactly just like us, except their brain works in a different way, not better not worst, different.

After some time, this character ''80% good guy 20% selfish asshole'' became my personality.

My new alter-ego killed the ''Dysney-esque 100% good guy’’ that believed that if you are sweet enough with a girl she'll LET you put your pipi in her mouth, that she will never cheat because, you're so comprehensive and respectful that you don’t deserve this so there’s no way she would do something like that''.

Anyway, SMV skyrocketed. Never been more on top of my game like that in my life. The best advice I got here when I wanted to apply TRP in my life is : Don’t aim for the 9 and 10's at the start, it'll crush your confidence. Fuck a couple of less hot girls and you will realise that you can totally pull this off. You'll understand the rules and gain so much confidence with little practice on ''easier prey'' and will realise that a 9 is no different than a 4 (This kind of sound misogynistic but I‘m not).

I don’t want to say that all women are the same but it is. By that I mean they ALL want to fuck as much as us, it's just that the society makes them look like whores if they get down easily, so you need to make her feel sure that she is not making a mistake fucking you.

Now if you’re a guy, you’re fucking awesome if you bang your life away. Even the girls who will never admit it will believe that somehow you are the shit. Look at it this way: women are like a lock on a door and men are like keys. If you’re the key that can open all the doors now that’s a fucking good key but if a lock can be open by every key, that is a shitty lock!

Attitude is everything again. I'm not saying I'm a beast in the bed, in fact I believe I'm ok from what I saw in the amateur section of Pornhub but the thing is when you have the control of the relationship, when they wish to please you, so you give them more of your precious time, I'm sorry to say it like this, but these girls become premium whores. I even make them do some weird shit sometimes just to see how far will they go before telling me ''Sorry this is a little too kinky for me I'm not doing that with those bottles of wine and my grandma''. They end up saying ''You’re such a freak, I like that nasty side of you''.

The point is : I lived 38 years in a world where I really misunderstood the rules. I did hurt myself and somehow created the shithole where I ended in January. A part of me is nostalgic of that time when I used to be naive enough to believe that in the end, being the good guy was enough, that my moral standards were better than those assholes who got the girls and dump them when they got bored. I was missing the point, because the society encouraged me in this way. We are not in a Disney movie and I'm not a white knight. The bad boy gets the girl, the good guy don’t understand why his attitude does not work with the girls and end up being sorry for himself waiting at home, paying the rent while persuading himself that one day she’ll understand and finally realise that he's the one she needs.

About 2 months ago, I realised that I now feel totally numb about women. I don’t see any advantage of having one in my life. Right now I'm spinning plates and when they fall in love it has to end. Don’t get me wrong, I really do appreciate their company every time we're together and I mean it. Every girl is different, like a different flavor, a different adventure. Each one of the girl I have been with was fun and we've had really good times, it's not just about me myself and I of course I'm not a fucking asshole...

So, that’s where I am now and I feel really confused about my attitude. I begin a conversation with a girl, one thing lead to another and the second I know we're down to fuck, I got the nudes, we dirty talk, the girl ask to come over to fuck. I choke 50% of the time on some generic excuse about work or something.

It's like going to the fair, play one of those throwing baseball game on stacked bottles, winning the big prize and walking away without it. What the hell is wrong with me?

With all that new vision that TRP has brought to me about hypergamy, how we differ so much on our vision about love as genders and the fact that my focus is totally on improving myself, instead of making my girl happy whatever the cost, I really feel like I'm becoming a cold hearted SOB which sometimes fakes to have empathy or look like I'm interested in some boring shit my plate has to say only to play my part of that scenario.

Maybe I'm just an idiot who needs time to digest my failed 10 years relationship before giving a girl a chance, but if it's not... It's scary, man.

Whoah!!! Didn’t meant to write a book, got to go to sleep its 4:37, cya guys...