MY DUMBASS STORY'' TRP Edition : Feel sorry for yourself then get your shit together 101

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Ok, so this is my first post ever in TRP-village it's 1:30 AM my alarm clock will ring in 4 hours but damn, I wanted to get it off my chest. I've never talked to anyone about this.

I broke up last january with my 10 YO relationship GF because I found out she cheated a year ago and thought no one would've ever knewn, which didnt happen, obviously. I was the total ''Nice guy finish last, beta provider'' I couldnt have dried up her vagina more acting like this than if she had permanent ever-active vaccum stuck up in her pussy. Oh, we would fuck, but her face and attitude wanted to say '' If you insist... I guess I'll let you masturbate in me'' which is one of the best feeling ever if you wanna doubt about your sex skills and give you sexual performance anxiety which ahem... sometimes leads to premature ejaculation, asking for a friend XD

I didnt want to let her go but I couldnt tolerate that disrespect, which was hurting like a bitch, because she was now living in penis-land, trying to fuck everyone and everything on this galaxy. So I became a living garbage bag for like 2 months but had to man up because... because well, fuck, the world keep spinning, I've got my own business, a couple of employees and a partner so I had to get my shit together people we're counting on me. The thing is, for some dumb reason, I thought I'd never get another hot girl ever... So confidence level was about 0.

So, while I was feeling so sorry for myself and was reading some dumbass shit somewhere on the internet about ''It's up to you to decide if you can forgive her and how to get her back in your life'' and ''10 tips how to make her apologize about cheating' (YES, I was THIS pathetic), some link got me here... and FUCK ME!

Everything started to make sense. Started to have the good mindset about ''I'm the treasure and they gotta prove worthy of me and my time'' instead of ''Can you show interest in me please, I'll take anything'', which of course did what was supposed to do. That attitude is pure GOLD. I will try to not sound cocky cuz that's not the point and I'm not bragging, but damn, I now feel like there is a ''fuck probability'' with almost EVERY women that I knew or encounter, single or not. The non-verbal you know : we stare a lil bit too long, she laughs a little too much at my jokes (funny or not) etc... And guess what? Sexual performance anxiety disappeared...

I already was lifting, I look good I guess (anyway 80% of your sex appeal is in the attitude), so I tweaked my Instagram and Facebook accounts and installed Tinder on my phone and created that ''character'' based on everything I learned here, making Microsoft word documents about the good stuff I wanted to keep in mind, to meditate on those ideas every day, only 5 minutes, and created that character with unbreakable frame that doesnt get affected by anything, coolness level over 9000. I was literally playing a role like an actor, created an alter-ego and used all the information I ingested here to become THAT particular Sweet-bad-boy-who-plays-you-and-you-know-it-but-flirting-with-him-isint-that-bad-no? Until that moment when she reach to kiss you on both cheeks but you dont turn your head and wait while staring at her like you know that has some effect, the stare you give when you're at the bar and theres too much eye contact with this girl this one! You wont even have to do the move, you just stay there and stare at her with that smirk. Now dont do that anytime anywhere and come tell me after :'' Dude I tried your stare-shit-trick with the girl at the funerals of my grandma and it didnt worked'' You'll know when it's the time to try that move, trust your gut, they're humans exactly just like us, except their brain works in a different way, not better not worst, different. Once you get the hang of it it'll be l***ike going fishing but the fish jumps in the boat*****.**

After some time that ''80% good guy 20% selfish asshole alter-ego'' became my personality.

My new alter-ego killed the ''Dysney-esque 100% good guy that beleive that if you are sweet enough with a girl/Gf she'll LET you put your pipi in her mouth and will never cheat because, well, you're so sweet and dont deserve this so theres no way she'd do that''

Anyway, SMV skyrocketed. Never been more on top of my game like that in my life. The best advice I got here to optimize my game is ''Dont aim for the 9 and 10's at the start, it'll crash your confidence. Fuck a couple of less hot girls and will realise you can totally pull this off, you'll understand the rules and gain so much confidence with practice on ''easier prey'' and will realise that a 9 is no different than a 4 (sorry bout that, feels mygonistic but I aint, I really have no hate for womens).

I dont want to say that all womens are the same but it is (no mysoginy here again!). I mean they ALL want to fuck and maybe wayyyyy more than you think, it's just that some need to be worked a little longer than others, if that's your plan.

I'm a french canadian and I dont know if in english there is a similar proverb but it goes '' There is no frigid women, there are only clumsy mens'', attitude is everything again. I'm not saying I'm a beast in the bed, in fact I beleive I'm ok from what I saw in the amateur section of Pornhub :-D but the thing is when you have the control of the relationship, when they wish to please you, so you give them more of your precious time, I'm sorry to say it like this, but these girls become premium whores. I even make them do some weird shit sometimes justto see how far will they go before telling me ''Sorry this is super weird I'm not gonna do that with those bottles of wine and my grandma'' and guess what actually it's the contrary! They end up saying ''Your such a freak and I like that nasty side of you'' WTF??

The point is : I lived 38 years in a world where I really misunderstood the rules and a part of me is nostalgic of that time when I used to be naive enough to beleive that in the end, being the good guy was enough, that my morals standards were better than those dumbasses who get girls and dump them, I was missing the point, because the society didnt explained me the rules correctly. We're not in a Disney movie. The bad boy gets the girl, the good guy says sorry and go pay the rent while waiting for her to finally realise that he's the one she needs. Dont misunderstand me, everything is not black or white, i'm exaggerating to prove my point.

About 2 months ago, I realised that I feel totally numb about womens. I dont see any advantage of having one in my life. Right now I'm spinning plates for a while and when they fall in love and I clearly dont with the state of mind I have at the moment, which seems in general to attract them even more by the way (but I really do appreciate their company everytime we're together of course and I mean it, every girl is different, each one of the girl I have been with we've had really good times, it's not just about me myself and I of course I'm not a fucking asshole... well not 100% XD). Even worse, the second we chat for a while on tinder and I know we're down to fuck, I choke 50% of the time on some generic excuse about work or something they cant say a word. Litterally when the girl ask to come over to fuck. It's like going to the fair, playing one of those throwing baseball game on stacked bottles or some shit, winning the big prize and walking away without it... Like, why we're you here in the first place dumbass?

With all that new vision that TRP has brought to me about hypergamy, how we differ so much on our vision about love as genders and the fact that my focus is totally on improving myself, instead of absolutely making my gf happy, I really feel like I'm becoming a cold heart SOB which sometimes fakes to have empathy or look like I'm being interested in what she has to say only for the hunt of proving myself that all that as been learned here is wrong...but it's not...

Maybe I'm just an idiot who needs time to digest my failed 10 years relationship before giving a girl a chance, but if it's not... It's scary, man. Or Maybe I'm just a sociopath now, time will tell I guess XD

I simply hope I'm not alone with this somehow a little sad philosophy...

Whoah!!! Didnt meant to write a book, gotta go to sleep it's 4:37, cya guys!