I've been lifting, going out, reading. Quit porn, quit video games. Trying to prioritize me. I had a deep depression for 4 years after a girl I talked to for a month broke up with my needy ass, though I was depressed before that. The only thing that brought me validation through the years has been singing. I'm really good at it. Started smoking though.

I know how to look good and generally do. That's never been the issue. I can't get or keep a friend to save my life. Everytime I do I generally do some anti-social shit or try to "game" them with 48 laws of power type shit. Intentionally not responding to their texts for however long. You get the picture.

If it's not this than the relationship is like an exchange of favors. I'll give you 10 bucks if you me a ride to x.

One I started doing meth with and after I quit, I've kept him at a distance.

I've had multiple times where sexy blonde girls push their bodies up next to me at the bar and either I feign indifference and don't react but lately I've been trying to talk to them and a quick look on their face after about 10 seconds tells me their pussy dried up like a vacuum got shoved up there.

All of my attempts at plates have gone to shit.

Feeling super alone. Started crying when I was making eggs a couple hours ago. Drinking too much, working part time at a pizza hut, living at mom's.

The beta in me is telling me this shits never gonna change. Goals for right now are: get a better job, quit smoking (the 30th), and keep approaching.

What do I have to do? What am I doing wrong? Or is this just a normal thing