Many posts here contain suggestions about how to become “more RP” or “more alpha” or “less beta.” They’ve inspired me to offer a perspective drawn from this sub and what I’ve seen with others.

The core idea of improving oneself is a solid concept. That’s why were here. As men, we should always look towards improving our lives for ourselves and, by extension, to benefit those around us. In my view, the difference between the exceptional posts and others I think boils down a perspective on two things.

  1. The “moment” one believes they become RP.
  2. How to determine if you are there.

A perspective on both of these things are key to building sustainable self-confidence and an abundance mentality that attracts others to you.

For example, one recent post suggested confronting or fighting guys as a way of defining “who’s a man, and who is not.” Another mentioned that they feel discouraged becoming alpha when they go to the gym and see someone else lifting more than them. Another considered income. It suggested that someone making $35k a year isn’t alpha, but $150k a year is. You can see the same sort of idea in the quantity of plates one pursues.

Now, obviously it’s good to know to defend yourself, to safely push your limits with lifting, and to earn what you’re worth. It’s also cool to experience as many women as you prefer.

My point is that using these (and similar) metrics can easily lead astray people beginning RP self improvement. It can create a false sense of confidence.

Is it better to have one plate? Is two ideal? Is having none worse than that? Is monk mode shameful? How about lifting? Do you need to lift 10 pounds more than the other guy to be alpha? What about 20? How about showing up at the gym at all?

You get the point. It’s relative. I actually think none of it really matters. Why? Because if you’re defining RP success, masculinity, or manliness on these things you could be doing much better. The quantity of your successes and to whom you are contrasting them doesn’t matter as much as how you’re defining them.

The common trap for all of these is that they are defining success on external factors. What happens to your self perception if your company tanks and you lose your job? That $150k/y job is gone. Does your alpha status disappear with it? Maybe you feel like a man because you "don’t take shit," you’re lippy in public, and have won a few fights - until some MMA guy gets pissed at your quips and kicks your ass. Does your Tesla suck because the guy down the street bought a Ferrari? What about women? Maybe an injury takes you out of the game. No situation is ever permanent and there will always be someone better than you - that will make more cash, dress better, be smoother with women, and so on.

Accepting this is an important step to building self confidence. It is also not the same as admitting defeat. It is embracing reality. The difference is what you do about it.

So what can you do? This isn’t to say you shouldn’t stop trying, of course. Instead, the goal is to not depend on others or any external factors to define your success. Instead, set your goals yourself. Rate yourself on them. Don’t let others rate your success. Do that for yourself.

Of course, you can probably see the issue with this. It’s easy to self-handicap, rationalize, and set weak goals so you can return to the couch. Be self aware and avoid that. Relentlessly continue to set higher goals, achieve them, and build upon them.

Be careful rating yourself against others. It works both ways:

  • you don’t instantly become beta because you didn’t get your yearly bonus this year or can’t lift as much as the next guy. You will only slip if you ignore that feedback. Instead, use it as fuel to improve. Accepting feedback, even if negative, is still “alpha.”
  • be careful of going the other way, too: needing to dominate other men in order to feel superior is not sustainable just by the odds alone. It also builds self-esteem on a weak foundation. It’s swiftly destroyed the moment an event beyond your control influences your life, or someone more able steps into your life.

It is especially important with your relationship with women. I see many posters here linking their self esteem to success with women. It’s natural. Being with a good woman is a fantastic experience. Life can seem frustrating when you strike out with a woman you want, or go without sex for a long time. The recent spate of monk mode posts are a good reminder that self improvement and success can come from other areas as well. As with investing, diversifying is essential to success.

Defining RP success on external factors can drain energy better spent elsewhere. Worrying about what women think of you, how much you lift, whether you earn more than your buddies, or what car you own is counterproductive. You’re better off pursuing the goals you set yourself - not others, and not society. You’re the prize, no matter how it’s dressed up or dressed down. If they want to join your success and contribute to your life, welcome them. If not, release them and continue your climb.

Define your own success. Take control of it. Don't let others define it for you. Constantly evaluate your goals and successes honestly and strive to continually improve.

The result? You'll find your success (and by extension, your self esteem) becomes independent from the judgement of others. You'll also naturally cultivate a bulletproof abundance mentality that attracts others to you, and women in particular.