Hi there. I was reading all that good stuff you post but I also have something to say. Let's assume that you have a new girlfriend who is 17 years old (may also be 20 or 25, doesn't matter). You've had plenty of sex but she's a virgin. She's a great girl, pretty, funny, very supportive and all. But there's a catch - she wants to wait for sex. First you may want to gtfo from that relationship. But there are other thing she can do to make you feel alright apart from having sex. She cooks for you, gives you head, she really does everything you want except sex. Now, you may say that it doesn't matter - you want sex or else it means that she's in control of the relationship and that is not what you want.

But I gotta tell you - it doesn't have anything to do with you. Or maybe it does. Let me explain. Let's assume that she's a healthy girl without any physical reasons for not wanting sex. And that is a case for most relationships where a girl doesn't want to have sex yet. Let's also assume that she doesn't lie to you about her virginity and she doesn't have anybody besides you.

Then you know that she has a problem on psychological ground. And now I know what you may think. There are plenty of fish and you'll sooner find a "normal" girl than fix this girl. You were right! Well, maybe you weren't actually. I will now show you how I "fixed" my girlfriend (actually she fixed herself but I did help her) and it took a 2 hour talk.

Prerequisites: she trusts you, you don't want to take advantage of her, you can have a frank conversation with her.

First of all, she has certain beliefs about sex. We all do. But if we want sex now, then that's obvious that our beliefs differ. She can have a belief "I must wait for sex until marriage or he will think of me as a slut". Or maybe "My parents told me that I have to wait for sex at least half a year or my relationship will soon end". You don't know yet what belief she has exactly but you have an idea. The thing is, the fact she doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't respect you.

Okay, how do you help her to change her limiting belief? Ask her why she doesn't want to have sex with you. Yeaaaah... You already did it! And what did she say? "I am not ready yet...", "I want to wait a while...", or anything that is obviously bullshit. You have to be patient and ask her what are her true reasons. "When did you first hear of waiting for sex until marriage?", "What are you worried about?", "What do think our relationship will become after we started to have sex?" are all good starting questions. She may answer with "I am sure you will think about me as a slut when we will have sex" or "I'm worried that you will lose interest in me when you will know that I'm all yours".

Now she gave you her limiting belief on a plate. This is the time to be really supportive and level-headed. "I won't think of you as a slut" won't do in most cases when she was hearing her limiting belief in her head for years (but sometimes it will be enough if your strike ideally in her beilief). In most cases you will have to ask more questions to make her think independently (for the first time about it!) so she can convince herself. "Do you remember that time when you first gave me head / when we first kissed? Do you think that after that have I lost interest in you or lost respect for you? I think that our connection has improved since then." or "Put yourself in my position. Do you really think that when a girl in a relationship has sex with her boyfriend then this guy will lose her respect for her or will this guy want to keep this girl even more?" Use your voice wisely. Also remember about attraction, trust and being comfortable with each other.

If she says "yes, I really think that you will lose interest in me" then you need to go deeper. Ask more questions and find other limiting beliefs. If she doesn't even want to talk about it then you have to tell her that it's important for you to know why she doesn't want to have sex.

Also, remember when I said that it might have something to do with you? If you go deep enough, then you will know that your need for sex is also based on certain beliefs. You don't really need sex for survival. Maybe your friends are having lots of sex and are happy. You may then have made a belief "I need sex or I will be unhappy" or "If my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with me then there's something wrong with me". All beliefs are true and untrue. If you bielieve them then they are true. If you are interested in changing your limiting beliefs then I suggest you read about the work of Byron Katie. Here's a link: www.thework.com/index.php. Also, the more you change your beliefs the easier it is to change others'.

TL;DR: not wanting sex is caused by a limiting belief, you can help her to change that belief easily.