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How to help friend in mutually abusive relationship?

AkihiroDono
December 28, 2014
1 upvotes
/r/TheRedPill
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Post Information
Title How to help friend in mutually abusive relationship?
Author

AkihiroDono
Upvotes 1
Comments 6
Date December 28, 2014 6:19 AM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2qlk7b/how_to_help_friend_in_mutually_abusive/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-help-friend-in-mutually-abusive.27060
https://theredarchive.com/post/27060
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Comments

[–]LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

My friend is in a mutually beneficial relationship with a permavictim who exclusively dates abusive men.

Fixed that for you.

Most of the time, people get what they want, and want what they get, out of relationships. (barring social skill deficits and taking SMV into account) Obviously there's some need of his that's being met by all this drama, or else he wouldn't be scratching that itch.

He's also always had a problem with alcohol

This goes with a lot of other baggage. Scratch an alcoholic, find a codependent.

How do we go about trying to fix this before he ends up fucking up his life in a major fashion? This is last desperate attempt to save our friend.

Tell him you'll be there for him when he really wants help in order to change. Then if he does, be there for it.

After telling him that, and until he's ready to change things, get out of his way and let him experience the consequences. Seriously. Shielding alcoholics / codependents from the consequences of their own choices just prolongs whatever pattern they're in; he needs to hit a bottom in order to want to change enough to accept help and guidance.

Source: work with addicts and alcoholics in counseling role.

[–]2Overkillengine1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Have to go for a third on the maintain a safe distance until they want to change tactic; anything else is just enabling them to keep repeating the same fuckup cycle from experience.

Edit: and even then proceed with all due caution, there is never a shortage of people paying I want to change lip service. Watch their actions and act accordingly.

[–]AkihiroDono[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This was...incredibly helpful. I've talked with the other guys, and we've agreed to follow this advice. He hasn't listened to us yet, why would he now? Same guy who's totalled two new vehicles and received two DUI's at the same time, yet still gets blacked out drunk 7 nights a week. It's going to take jail time or being paraplegic to fix him, it seems.

We can't do anything but be there for him when he finally needs it. We can't hold his hand

Thank you.

[–]sir_wankalot_here0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Listen to LGBT person, lot of good advice there. In some cases you make have to distance yourself from the friend. They will have a tendency to grab onto anything and pull you down with them.

The harsh reality is most addicts and codependendants don't get better. I am not going to augar coat things.

[–]ModMachiavellianRed[M] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

As I'm a man, I've brought this to TRP instead of any other sub.

Unfortunately as noble as this question is, it belongs in /r/asktrp.

[–]raisemyhands0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yo did anyone save the original post?

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