I ran across this post today and was unable to cross post it. Here it goes: I'm using throwaway, cause reasons.
My english is not very good, since I'm from southeastern Europe and didn't really do my homeworks during tutorings.
I(now 30F) divorced my husband (now 31M) 17 months ago. We were married for two years, 3 years together, no kids. This may seem like a very short term, but in reality, we both assumed we wanted this.
After first year of marriage, I got very bored of our lifestyle. My ex-husband was handsome, nice, overly clever (no irony intended), cared for me and made quite a sum through his own business, we went along very well and we considered ourselves life partners, not just people who are married. Yet, he clearly didn't like people in general - maybe he was even antisocial. And that was the ignition of fighting. He told me he has only two friends and it is good enough for him. He wasn't interested into meeting new people, and definitely wasn't interested in stuff like clubbing.
He never spoke badly about mine friends group, but I could definitely feel he considered most of them low and stupid. Tbh, my friends group didn't really like him either - for many reasons, but mostly they were clearly envious of his money - we live in small town in an underdeveloped country, and they even hinted it ("how's Rothschild?"). Cause I know for sure he never did anything wrong to them or something, he just wasn't interested in befriending them more.
Second year of our marriage, I got overwhelmed by routine - since I didn't work full hours - I was an artist - you know how that goes (I use my real reddit account for commissions, that's why throwaway). Every day was the same. For breakfast - we can go to have breakfast somewhere. Noon - let's get into car, drive somewhere, buy some stuff. Evening, get home, watch some tv series, or chill at our jacuzzi. Like hell, we even flew to some European metropole at least once per month, yet, it became so annoying, cause he wouldn't wanna try nightlife there. Some nice bar with few people inside - yes. Some club where we could have fun and meet some people - no way.
For example - we flew to Greece for a vacation once - of course he would book a luxurious villa on Santorini - there were like 20 people, mostly old rich couples, in the resort altogether. I asked him why would he do that - we will certainly have no fun around these folks. I told him I would love to go somewhere different next time, with young people around. He told me that this is the reason why he bothers making money - ability to avoid crowd of young people (vulgar and stupid - he didn't say that but he definitely meant it).
Don't get me wrong, I was really happy my husband could provide all that, I come from a rather poor family, and I would never experience rich man's world without him, I guess - I just wanted a normal life, also, like going out hiking with friends, clubbing and so on.
I tend to think I was a good wife to him. I really loved him. I tried to make him happy - and made me sure he is a happy person with me. Since his business could be very exhausting, I tried my best to make him stay calm - he could get extremely nervous instantly. I even let him do sexual stuff to me I wouldn't allow anyone else (anal sex was pretty softcore). My personal life went to zero, though. I missed clubbing and nightlife. Getting wasted was history for me, already, but still, I didn't want to spend my evenings watching TV or eating in restaurants. He wasn't fond of me clubbing. He was not really controlling type, but in such cases, he was like "you're my wife, not my hypothetical 13yo daughter to argue about going or not going to dance club, you have no place there among those children there - if you think it is appropriate for a married woman of your age to go clubbing, that is some serious issue of yours, not mine."
I started to feel resentment towards him, I felt like he doesn't care for my opinions, cause he's the clever one. I couldn't do this anymore, so I left his house, moved into my apartment and filed for a divorce. He made no protests at all, he was like "Hopefully somebody else will make you happy, then." There were no kids involved nor money to divide, our law isn't like in America - you cannot really get rich just by divorcing a wealthy man, he left me car he bought for me (along clothing, jewels) and sent his men to renovate my apartment, which I inherited after my grandma. He was very calm (cold as fuck, though) during the process and wished me best luck after. I told him I hope we stay on good terms, he was ok with that. We managed to solve all necessities in few days after divorce.
I started enjoying freedom from very beginning. It felt like a breath of fresh air. Started dating very soon after, spent whole nights with my friends in clubs during weekends, got a job as a waitress which I enjoyed, taking part in many community things. I didn't think of my ex any bit, I eventually saw him taking a ride in his car or having a lunch in some restaurant, but didn't care for him.
Months after, reality started to hit me hard. I started to realize many things were different than I saw them before. What hit me hard was one of my girl friend, who was very eager to support me to divorce "this controlling freak" actually started hitting on him once I left his house. I felt really betrayed and foolish. I started to struggle financially, so I had to sell my X6 and bought an old Peugeot. None of the guys I hooked up with was really a material for a relationship. I got fed up with going out drinking. Yet, I considered my ex a history.
Everything changed half a year ago, when we met by coincidence in a Tobacco shop - when he saw me there, he turned around and tried to leave to buy his cigarettes somewhere else, but I called for him, like "nice to see you, how are you... heh"
It seemed easier to invite him for a cup of coffee immediately than stay any more second in this weird conversation, so we went for one. After a couple of minutes, we started to be very comfortable around each other and had our portion of fun, he told me he's single, which put me in dangerous expectations, but I didn't care for that the minute, I enjoyed his dark pretty eyebrows jolly jumping while laughing. It was like the old times, before we were married. After we've finished our coffees, I told him I had fun and hope we could go for a coffee some day again. His face went from happy to sad and told me "Sure. Some day. See you then." Anxiety started to flow through my body, so I proposed, with squeaking, half-strangled voice "Maybe we could meet next week...?" Situation was clearly uncomfortable for him, he told me: "Well I have a lot of work going on lately, how about I call you once I have some free time?"
I knew immediately what was going on - there will be not another meeting over cup of coffee. He isn't interested in seeing me nor talking to me - I am clearly nobody to him, he moved on. Struck me really hard. I had my legitimate reasons to divorce him, but I definitely didn't want this. I cried my whole ride home and got ticket for speeding.
After this, my life went downhill. I cannot stop thinking about him - and I really regret divorcing him, even if for legitimate reasons. He was happy to make me happy and I was happy to make him happy. Everything is so different now. Any difficult issue I have drives me crazy, cause there is no one to tell me "Stop it immediately woman, what did you get your husband for, I'm here to take care of everything you need."
Recently, my father started to be emotionally abusive towards me again, and I have no husband to have my back. I cannot sleep per night, cause either I'm dreaming that we are together, and when I wake up during night into reality, I cry myself into sleep again. Otherwise, I have nightmares where he does sex stuff he did to me to another woman and I have to watch it, while he tells me she is much better than I ever was, or nightmares where he tells me that he hates me. I have to overdose on Clonazepam lately to get some sleep, otherwise I am unable to work next day.
Seeing him somewhere in town center I go immediately out, cause it causes me anxiety. Even seeing his car somewhere makes me feel nauseous. I don't know what to do. I cannot get some therapy, cause I cannot afford a private one, and therapy on Uni Healthcare is shit - they just give me Clonazepam.
I have strong urges to try to contact him, and I don't even know what for. Minute later, I get overwhelmed by anxiety while thinking about contacting him. I don't know what to do anymore. Nobody really helps me. I told my mother about feelings of mine - and she told me that is just an outcome of my own actions, and anyway, time will heal it. Everyone tells me time will heal it, but I want to know what to do now.
I am sorry that this is so long, and maybe shaky, but I wanted to write this.
