I dont even know if this is the correct subredit to post it, i hope i can find some help as i've read a lot of threads here and in TRP

It's 5 am now in my country, and i feel like absolutely utter shitty garbage because i've been rejected for being too sober,
it was not a normal rejection

I hanged out with a friend and go straight to the club, where a very hot girl sent me a direct look, i know she liked me. Well i had 0 alcohol literally in my body so my "normal" behaviour with women that i like came to my mindset:

​

nervous as fuck

avoiding direct contact or talking about sexual stuff

indirect bullshit on my mind like "she's not that hot"

bullshit on my mind like "i'm sure he likes my partner and not me"

avoiding social interaction and talking the minimum

distracted with screens and music

feeling like a complete autist that can't speak to nobody in 30 fucking minutes

​

The thing is, i started to put alcohol on my body (1 beer, 1 shot and 1 drink), then i started to act more normal

I approached her, talked with her, then we danced, and we started kissing a lot. She was touching my entire body, and so did I. Then we change to another bar, where we were still kissing, but i never closed and that was my mortal mistake. Fucky my life even after we were kissing and she was touching me i was nervous as fuck

A fucking chad appears talking to her friend, taller than me, stronger than me, prettier than me, more social than me, and if that's not enough they had the same age and studied in the same uni (i ended that long time ago since i'm 31)

So she leaves me and goes straight to the fucking guy. He saw me kissing her, but they never did anything. I start feeling weird as fuck, she used to give me a lot of attention that now goes directly to this guy, until the point that i feel so fucking bad, weird and out of place and i ask her directly "do you want me to go??" and she repplied "yes"

​

OK.

Then my fucking Jesus mindset came to my mind and i told her "I hope you never feel like this in your entire life" then left the place angry as fuck

It's one of the fucking worst feelings i've ever had, and to be honest i can't blame anyone but me for being too fucking dependant on alcohol

The thing is that i'm very very angry with myself, i feel so fucking guilty about my behaviour, i feel so fucking unlucky and in pain. I lost my virginity at 25 after a long fucking painful process and since then in 3 years (i had a LTR from 25 to 28), i've kissed with 70 girls and fucked 13, and its a small number consider the amount of time i've been spending on hanging out, trying to use tinder and shit like that, i'ts one of the reasons that explain my behaviour with women

​

the main thing is that i've become too fucking dependant on alcohol. i never drink alcohol during the week, only on weekends when i hang out and go partying.

So after years of this shit i've made an internal relation where i can almost only talk/flirt/dance/kiss/fuck girls if i've drink, even if it's just 2-3 beers on a tinder date (which are not very usual to be honest). I've NEVER EVER approached a girl on my normal day mode (underground / bus / restaurants / whatever)

I do think that i've a fucking alcohol problem, and now i'm angry as fuck with myself because i know that i will repeat this mistakes and i don't want to... but i'ts like i just can't control myself

​

​

But on the other side, as i'm too fucking dependant on the outcome, this hopefully will teach me something ,because i know myself too much and if i end up fucking this girl i'll believe and feel like i'm the ultimate hot badass fucking chad, and i couldn't see my mistakes tonight because i would believe that i did the "game" perfect...