You guys should find this one interesting.

First of all, yes. Sleeping with a flatmate is messy, and goes against all conventional advice. In this case it happened on the first night, and I decided to just go along from the ride.

I'm including every detail I can think of so hopefully it gives a good picture of what went wrong. Might be a little wordy so feel free to skim.

___

First night of college I slept with my flatmate. She was hot and willing. We proceeded to do nothing but hang out and fuck for the first couple weeks.

Here's my read on this girl: Tattooed, some mentions of an abusive past. Very aware that she's hot. Lots of revealing pics of herself on her SM. Low esteem, high partner count, and inherently manipulative.

I defined our relationship as FWB to avoid expectations down the line, and after foolishly ditching her at the club on the third night she met a guy who has since become her boyfriend. I felt somewhat bothered but I played it cool, and kept a casual, sexual relationship going with this girl. I was maybe even too aloof sometimes, as there were a couple times where she ended up walking home alone as I met with other girls. Her attraction always seemed to spike when she saw me flirting, or being flirted with by other girls anyway.

​

But there was a turning point.

At one point we grew fairly close and I stopped seeing other girls. About a week. Hanging out, cuddling. She suddenly left one night to meet her boyfriend and it hurt. I guess I was catching feelings at the time, cause when she entered my room the next day - I left, coldly, without explanation to hit the bar. I came home to her crying and kissing me. When she tried to share my bed, I kicked her out of the room.

I told her we should go back to being friends and a couple weeks passed before the sexual tension began to rise again.

​

Here's fuckup #1. She asked we watch a movie out the blue, and even though she was obviously turned on I failed to make a move. It was the first time we watched a movie without sex. I thought I'd botched it but she followed me on a night out a couple days later and we had terrible, drunken sex. She vaguely stated that she wished things turned out differently, but the following morning pretended she blacked out, and didn't remember anything (including sex). I didn't bother correct her.

The flirtiness died down as I failed to escalate numerous times. Play-fighting, turning down request to dress her, etc. It became more and more platonic. Later I started avoiding her altogether.

​

2 weeks later I spotted her crying and I comforted her, then later joined to watch a movie. I attempted an uncalibrated kiss and got refused. I ran into her on a night out a couple days later and I met in her bedroom. We made out. Here's fuckup #2. She started asking personal questions about me, like girls I see back at home. Etc. I thought I'd been too aloof, so decided to be more honest than usual. She didn't talk about herself much, and said making out is ok, but from now on no sex. She then pretended she wanted to fuck to get a reaction out of me. Twice. I didn't leave. We made out a bit longer before I headed back to my room.

When we talk now she acts aloof, refusing any sort of request while being demanding herself. She also makes a point of opening her texts from her boyfriend in front of me. For the first time I feel no sexual tension when we talk. And I feel awkward even in short interactions. My voice comes out softly. I sometimes don't know what to say. Frame broken.

​

Sleeping with her was great. Convenient, no expectations. It made me better at meeting other girls. Not necessarily having her at this point, but feeling like I could if I wanted. There's something inherently difficult in living with someone that no longer sees you as fuckable. I feel it when talking to anyone, especially other girls. My head's not on straight.

Nexting's impossible, so maybe there's a balance I'm not seeing. Some way to regain my frame. Whenever I've gone cold she goes colder, and honestly it just feels awkward.

I'm perfectly willing to walk away, but avoiding her now just makes me feel weak. I need closure.

​

The bell's been rung. For my sanity, how should I proceed?