https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD0XEH3qVCk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTrrc6Ni5eM

I just need to blow off some steam, I've saved this draft at my computer, but wanted to post it also here for these sub-reddit. It's just something I've written to myself.

 I am fucking furious about all the shit I've had to learn / unlearn regarding girls.  I'm here, to write again, and maybe for the last time about the past.  I am currently, for 6 years, a complete failure with women (dry spell...), and worse, still a virgin (21yo). For the last year, I've been heavily involved with TRP and with MGTOW. I finally felt I've seen justice, finally all the explanation to my misery and loneliness.  I finally understood why I am no longer good for them, and why they prefer other men..  My mind has begun filled with hatred toward women, I could no longer trust them.  AWALT, AF/BB, CC, HYPERGAMY (!!). I no longer desired a life with those sorcerers,  but at the same time wanted badly just one to be with me.   I knew those ideas were heavily poisoned, but I felt like I needed a place where people  would understand me and where I can become a better version of myself.  Problem is, TRP is even more depressing.  When talking with my women friends I started to feel like the biggest beta bux,  who's always for them but never gets anything. Also, simultaneously I wanted to get  out the Bachata community since I left like I was such a failure at satisfying girls (those harsh rejections) and because Rotem hurt me so much. So much - that for three months I've turned into depression, thought exclusively about her everyday, hoping she might come back. Hoping she is sorry for  turning me down. I thought I've met the right woman of my life, but Instead deep depression  made me be sad, don't work well, failed in 3 tests, and had bad dreams.  All my self image was shattered, once again. The most painful thing was that she hasn't really  tried to meet me, never gave me a chance to redeem myself. My conscience hurt a lot since I was  (and even now) blaming myself everyday for my desperate behavior that made her go away.  She never gave me a chance, everytime when I wrote something from my heart she became angry.  But I still love her deep inside me. She was the most intersting girl I've met in those 6 years.  If it all went well with her I've never back into the TRP / MGTOW for a final dipping.    This last dip was the most painful. Couldn't take those notions anymore. Don't want to see girls as manipulators. I want to believe in NAWALT.  I want to trust my girlfriend / wife. People in the TRP got plates and shit,  but all their relationship are corrupted since there's no trust.  They always believe their wife will cheat on them with better man.   Swallowing the pill is painful, and toxic.  I believe no one should ever swallow that shit bacause it's not real.   I like women very much, but it's hard for me to believe that one can be attracted to me.  I don't really appreciate myself altough I am smart, a programmer, curious, good-hearted, etc...  I want to fix this thought. I've became numb, but I am still lonely AF no matter how much I try to ignore that. I am not sad, yet there's a hole in myself, which I tried to close though TRP.  Bachata / Salsa helped me a lot with the great touch with women there, but now I feel I want the real thing.  Now, I try to delete and unlearn all the toxic shit from my head. I try to find a new, positive mindset which allow me to appreciate myself,  and forget all the beliefs TRP taught me.  I want to trust and believe in my love, not be against her.   I pray for god for me to find my love this year. And to believe again that great love can be found no matter who you are.   

To all those girls reading here, stop believing you're not worthy because you are a woman. To all these desperate, lonely man like me, go dance Salsa / Bachata. It helped me a lot, I am a dancer for almost 3 years and the reasons for me to stop dancing are because I've been into depression as written, but this hobby has lifted me up at the most difficult times.

Some Bachata for your enjoyment - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzbOvOyORe0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cIvH0QdTdk