Hello community,

you might remember my name from the "I can't shake off my RP-influenced views on women" post, and I have a few additional questions.

As staying virginal and single at my age (19) is eating me up more day by day, I get more weird thoughts. I wonder: Might female friends help me with my views of women? I've been afraid of actually having female friends since I was like 15 because I feel that even more women who don't want anything romantic from me would make me feel even more worthless.

You know, as a man, I am generally disposable and, apparently, useless and seemingly inferior to the "better sex", i.e. women. The only thing that could heal my heart is a woman's attraction. I'd love to have that magic button where I could make a girl go all "OMG I WANT HIM NOW" for me, but seemingly, that doesn't exist? I just don't feel desired. Like I could die in a ditch and no one would miss me, worse yet, women would laugh about that loser who deserved to die anyway, because women who aren't attracted to me won't care about me at any level.

Also, I still don't get the whole "objectification" ordeal. I'd love to be a sexual object. I wish I was just pretty and only valued by my looks and what I do otherwise is irrelevant. I wouldn't have to try so hard anymore to impress everyone I meet, I wouldn't need to feel so anxious and pressured. I'd just live peacefully, perpetually validated by people who are attracted to me. One of the harsh truths of the world is that no one cares about your personality anyway, except for close friends. Everything women care about is your "social skills" and what you are on paper. And your "manliness", in style and everything else. As a woman, you can be shy and perpetually blushing and guys will love you for it, while one simple nervous mistake on my part will make any woman think I'm trash.

Is the "big world" out there actually as bleak for men as I think it is? Because I feel so bad and replaceable and of low value. And I already missed the deadline for a perfect, young love because I'm not in high school anymore. Now I have all of this pressure to succeed, or women might laugh at me. I can't make women afraid of what I think of them. I just don't know anymore. I thought the RP-like thought train might help me with interactions, but in the end, it did nothing. Why is love so hard to get for men? I sometimes feel like I'm better off dead than continue to wade in this sea of sadness and emptiness. All of my successes and achievements make me happy for a couple of weeks and then I feel like shit again. Love would at least have a chance to make me eternally happy.

I feel like women don't see all the privilege they have. I'd die to be a woman on my attractiveness level. I'd look in the mirror in the morning and be like "Yeah, you're hot shit!". I could go anywhere and everyone would automatically like me because who doesn't like a pretty girl? I could have all of the hobbies I want because guys don't judge this shit as hard as girls, I could wave my sexuality around proudly because fuck the haters.

My obsession with needing to be always right and dominant has gotten so out of hand I flip out very fast at the slightest hint that somebody said something I said / something I think is cool is wrong or bad, or if someone points out I've done something wrong. I fear that girls that might be present would think he's more dominant than me and get instantly wet for him.

How do you turn women on, exactly, just by talking to them? The profession I'm going for is math teacher, probably the least attractive job next to computer scientist, and I'm kinda jealous of people with jobs like business stuff or sports because they could go up to a woman, tell them about their job and the woman would instantly get wet by instinct and be like "take me now!". I feel like my interests and my profession are a liability and that I'm automatically disposable and inferior to other men.

Actually, I have one female friend on line and I let my perpetually cool, energetic and cheerful mask drop once. She said it's okay and cheered me up a bit, but I still feel ashamed for having admitted I didn't feel well one day. Maybe she might have been attracted to me, but now I've destroyed it? Such thoughts occupy my mind each day.

What else occupies my mind a lot at the moment is that idea of female privilege. I feel like as a man, I've got a shit lot in life. I'll never know the happiness of going out and having lots of people attracted to me. I feel like I'm being judged so harshly I don't want to leave my house anymore. If you don't leave your house as a girl, you can still get to know loads of men on-line, as a man, online dating just sucks. I don't know. The double standards are so apparent and present in heaps.

Also, I have a very peculiar sexuality, especially because I'm sadistic and into bondage and stuff (not 'caused' by RP, I was like that fresh out of the box, as in, since I had my first sexual thought. It's hard-wired), and, well, if you're a girl, such a kink will make all kinds of guys want you, whil I just feel like some sick bastard. Just look at S&M parties, women have to pay next to no entrance fee, while men have to pay like 4x the cost.

I sometimes think I'm unattractive for having properties that, when a woman displays them, make her attractive. It's so sick.

I feel like I'm losing my mind over this. Can you help me?