I've lurked manosphere spaces for a few years now, and still feel as though I agree with a lot of it. But, I haven't harnessed an unrelenting rage for women, and I haven't made an attempt to model my behavior in real life based off it. I have a very calm personality, and people in my life consider me to be a good guy. I like that, and I genuinely want to remain that person for my friends and family. I have a great relationship with my mother, and I currently have friendships with other women. I very much see women as human beings, and not inferior. However, despite doing just fine with non romantic interactions with women, I've never done too well with romantic interactions and this keeps me leaning red. I've really tried not to seek out examples of redpill behavior in women, but it seems like it just keeps popping up wherever I go. Not just dumb shallow women, but also highly intelligent female friends that I have respect for, going after the aggressive Chad type time and time again. It's hard for me not to think that treating women with aggression and arrogance seems to be more attractive to them, it just seems to work. And it seems as though there is actually a good amount of literature that supports this. I doubt the generally validity of some studies posted to blackpill science for example, but the general premise that women are attracted to aggressive mean behavior, and have narrow parameters for what they consider physically attractive seems to be logically sound and have evidence for it.

But, I've made zero effort to change my personality into the redpill type because I don't want to treat anyone like the redpill says you should. I want to treat a woman with the same kind of respect and kindness I show my male friends, and build a meaningful and loving connection based off of that. But attempting this has been incredibly punishing, with no results. Often being outwardly mocked or disrespected by a girl. Only for her to then go and then be with someone of all the chad stereotypes. I feel as though my personality is inherently unattractive to women, I'm just not an aggressive person, and I don't want to be, but I guess that means I'll be alone for a long time. I don't know, sorry for the ramble. It's been 2 months since I last browsed any redpill material, detoxing trying to figure things out.