Mom, should I tell him how I feel?

2.5 years ago I was dating my first boyfriend who I fell head over heels for. I was 24 and he was so obviously not into me but I was too stupid to know. Being brought up conservative messed with me so I didn’t date until I met him despite having great guys approach me. It’s just a shame when I was ready I met such a douche.

I was too head over heels to tell him I was waiting for marriage to have sex as I didn’t want to turn him off. This is something I was brought up to do - be with one man only after wedlock. You only ever wanted to get drunk so that’s all we did. But that night. That night in May. After getting drunk I don’t know why but I told you to get a condom and we had sex for the first time. You didn’t even hold me after. We broke up shortly after and I’ve cried ever since. To erase the bad experience I started sleeping with someone from work.

And then I met my now current wonderful boyfriend a year ago. He’s the most wonderful person and I feel so bad for not waiting for him. We speak about marriage all the time and it hurts that I won’t and haven’t been able to give him my first time. He’s the only man to ever love me back and he’s the only one who deserved to have such intimate moments with me. We always call each other to say goodnight and most of the time when we get off the phone guilt plagues me and I cry myself to sleep. I’ve been a damn fool and I hate myself.

Should I tell my partner how I feel? Everything is great between us and I don’t want to bring up the past to be honest but I just hate carrying this feeling of regret inside me. If I had waited just a little longer he’d have been my one and only. Although he doesn’t say anything our culture is very traditional and I’m sure deep down he wishes he was my one & only.