I met this girl the other day. She's the sister of one of my friends from high school, lol. I didn't find that out until after we planned on getting a motel together. So we got a motel and had a great night, amazing sex more than once. She made it very clear that she got dumped almost 8 months ago, and hadn't slept with anyone since then. Because of how the sex went down, I believe her. So anyways she's like pretty obviously head over heels for me, or at least was after the sex. So we start talking and things move towards being exclusive with each other. So I'm like sure fuck it we can give it a shot and if I don't like anything that happens I'll just walk away. The problem I'm having now is because of all the shitty BP relationships I've been in before, it's hard to tell whether I'm making up red flags in my head or if I honestly have developed a really good sense of women trying to push for more control in the relationship.

The first few days before we decided to be exclusive she was obsessed with me. Could not keep herself back from texting me, etc. We talked about making it exclusive and just changing our statuses low key on Facebook to make it kind of official. For some reason she decided to bring up her ex and how she "just didn't want to make anyone sad". Made it clear that she didn't love him anymore and that he sucked. I think I made the mistake of being like "you're still probably attached to him. I've been with girls that hated their ex and got with them behind my back anyways." Pretty sure I broke frame but I wasn't too worried about it, whatever.

So now after making it "official", things already seem different. She got really sick after we met, and so we've been postponing seeing each other again. She lives with her family and is pretty open about what she's doing most of the time so it didn't really bother me. But the other night she had to bring her brother into town I guess, so I was like cool no big deal. We could meet up because you're bringing him nearby, but she wasn't super interested. She got home and I found out she met up with her brother and his friend and also got weed on the way back. At its core it's not a big deal at all, but it just reminded me of all the relationships where it started with her seeing what she could get away with that didn't bother me and then asking afterwards.

Another thing that I've really struggled with viewing under a non-crazy beta lense is stuff like Instagram. She's got a tasteful Instagram for the most part, with some revealing photos. Whatever, I can let her have that if she really needs the validation. The other day she asked me if it was cool if she posted this one picture and it definitely showed some interest in refraining from doing anything else that would make me jealous. But over the past few days she has been posting more and more stories during times where we aren't talking, and it just feels fishy. She's already become pretty obviously less affectionate even just slapping the label on it. We are supposed to see each other again, but something sort of set me off this morning. We had a video chat last night and she cut it off because she thought I was sleeping. We've been like falling asleep on camera with each other. I texted her and she was like haha I thought you fell asleep. So I was like whatever, you can just go to sleep on your own time. I managed to fall asleep for a little bit but woke up at like 3a.m. Oddly enough I see that she's updated her story. This is what set me off; she posted a picture of her cat laying on her and a pretty clear shot of like her whole lower body and legs. At like 1.a.m. .... Knowing that I might still be awake (she's aware I'm a shitty sleeper). She didn't like text me "I can't sleep" or anything like that either.

I've been down this road enough to know that there's no possible way she's doing that to seek validation somewhere other than me for whatever reason. And I'm pretty sure it's just what m7y level of cool with it is, and I'm definitely not at this point in my life. I spent YEARS getting validation-cucked by women because I was too afraid to just stand the fuck up for myself and leave. So after I saw this I kinda broke frame in a way to tell her that I think we should continue being special people to each other but I want the option to talk to other people without being unfaithful. Kind of a shitty combination of dread and honesty.

I will admit that the other day I also almost broke it off too because she was talking about doing Adderall at school and I'm an ex-drug addict and just not cool with her doing that if we are together. She was like I won't do it etc and I was like okay I'll stay. It sort of was just dread game, but I wish I hadn't done it because now doing it right away so soon after I feel like makes me seem like I have a weak frame and it definitely will appear that I don't know what I want. But I don't care, because I've basically ended it and have abundance mentality about the whole thing (or am trying to--I was getting BP'ed HARD for years man). I'm just wondering if it was the right choice. This all happened very fast and I could definitely be reading way too far into things, but at the same time if there's anything I've learned from TRP before getting back into the game is that it's probably always a better idea to just move on and save the jealousy etc. Because I'm a super fucking jealous and insecure person. I'm going to stick to the code and essentially try to plate her and see if that works out, but I'm ready to move on in a moment's notice. Just wanted some input and to share I guess, because I am sort of upset.

Am I reading way too far into things? Should I have given this a chance? I forgot to mention that at the surface she seemed way better than girls I've been unfortunately involved with before. She doesn't sleep around (although I'll always have my doubts since she chose to sleep with me on the first night, but she seems legit. I honestly think she just really liked me), she was head over heels into me, the kind you can totally feel, I think it's gooey retarded is the term (at first), and she's just pretty solid. But the near immediate change has me worried and I refuse to get fucking sucked into something where I get the shit end of the stick again. Hard to determine whether it's red flags or my previous BP self reading way too far into things.