hey all,

so ive been "into" and aware of red pill for easily over a year now and to say it changed my life would be an understatement in regards to solidifying past thoughts i had after fucked up relationships etc and trying to make sense of them.

where i live weve had a 6 ish month lockdown where you couldnt go anywhere except grocery shopping, i am compromised lungs and heart wise so i avoided doing that too when covid was very rampant here and my family would fetch errands instead. i also have and had no job or work and no university to study etc. (i quit for a break after hating the shitty teachers they were providing us with to consider what my real goals were in life) My mates have been gyming heavily at home and invested in themselves keeping up on social media whilst i just fell kind of flat. THe lockdown ruined my spirit as i used to go out and be full of energy non stop, i woudlnt give a fuck about anything and that rubbed off on people, including girls.

​

ive also hd a semi long term relationship with a girl who had and has been calling me everyday, due to the lockdown i used to straight up not even think about her calls and ignore / not realize because id be so busy with my regular life, but being at home stuck with nothing to do made me more "avaliable" and i caved in..

when i go out now i look at girls more, like im more interested in them sexually and being a simp, i think its because i havent had the chance to be sociable and intimate with another girl since lockdown other then my gf who annoys the shit out of me most days now. I never used to give a flying fuck about giving girls that kind of attention even just by looking at them, and i used to have girls messaging me on insta etc etc seeing how good of a life i was living and wanting to get involved (usually resulting in a smash).

i fumble and fluster when talking to strangers at the cash register slgihtly as i try to pull my wallet open, thinking that someone behind me or infront of me could have coronavirus. i know its dumb, i just suck with strangers now.

the thing is, i was never always like this, infact i was the opposite, my lifes energy was litteraly based on being sociable, going out, having fun, and moving forward towards short term goals. ive been trying to do pushups situps etc at home to get started with gym, sleeping better etc but i still feel flat mentally and "behind" all my friends now. which used to be the other way, i used to be the leader easily, id just say shit and itd happen, they'd agree, we all respect each other equally but i was "the guy who could slay chicks easily" kind of guy.

now when i watch TRP Content i just fel like im wasting time or listening to some random BS on the internet, even tho i know its all true im just not ingesting it. maybe im unhappy with the fact that im not working or doing any studies at the moment which makes me question my purpose, thus not really having time to care about TRP or getting girl strategies yet etc. maybe its because ive been long term talking with my "girlfriend" now and started listening to her emotional pleas more often as its hard to escape. i dotn know, but im desperate to fucking get my life back on track. especially when it comes to that social energy, i wanna let go of all that negative pressure i never use to have.

any tips on how to get back into this shit would appreciate it, whatever i read or see its just like there but my brain doesnt ingest it or bother to care anymore, its like im burnt out after being in lockdown for so long. i believe lockdown has made me more complacient and more blue pilled like when i was a kid, unaware and stupid and believes in the whole relationship works out thing even with red flags. I dont know. i just havent had enough reminders from girls acting the way they normally do around me to re-assert me of red pill truths.