I believe there is either a conspiracy or (more than likely) some unknown and/or taboo factor that keeps certain people single.

0 points•53 comments•submitted by icanteatanymore1 to r/TrueOffMyChest

I’m a woman in my early 30s, bisexual, but mostly into women so lesbian identified.

What I’m about to say in this post is going to trigger and upset some people. I’m going to get called names, I’m going to be called shallow, a bad person, undeserving of love, everything you can think of.

Yet and still, I believe many of you will relate to what I’m saying perfectly, so it’s worth getting off my chest.

To lead into it I’ll give you some back story. I am chronically single and I have been for all my life. I have had very brief “relationships” with men (and one transwoman) that were in actuality just flings. I do not believe they ever truly loved me or intended to be with me long term. I do not believe any of them had any interest in me and beyond sex, besides the handful who I do believe actually liked me as a friend as well.

The few who liked me as friends, I believe guilt ultimately got to them. One outright confessed to me (and then later lied and said he had been drunk) that “he wasn’t supposed to actually like me, but somehow he fell in love”. That was his reason for leaving me.

So even though I tried for years to find a man to have a happy relationship with, nothing worked. I am not exaggerating when I say I was on my best behavior with each relationship. Never disrespected them, never cheated, was warm, loving, caring. And I vetted them to make sure they weren’t complete assholes.

Yet and still I never had a successful relationship with a man. Most of them outright stabbed me in the back. So a year ago I came out of the closest and started seriously dating women.

Although the experience has been much better (more intimacy, no backstabbing), there’s been more confusion. Women will spend time with me, have sex with me for months, then turn me down when I ask to make it official.

We are all poly (I’m in the Bay Area). When I ask a woman to be my primary they say no. Okay.

At this point I give up, but that’s not the end of it.

I am a normal person. I have hobbies, I have a nice body, normal face, and a great career. I am good enough for people to not only have sex with, but they invite me to hang out in public with them regularly, I’m invited to parties, women I casually date introduce me to their friends. So it’s not like I’m a gross person or anything.

Yet and still, I am chronically single. All I want is a spouse (doesn’t have to be legal marriage) to raise a child with. Doesn’t matter if we have it organically or adopt.

But this will never happen to me, and it will never happen for many other people as well.

Before I get into my theory on why this is I want you to understand something... for more than a decade I have tried every single piece of dating advice out there. I’ve lowered and raised my standards, waited and approached, anything you can name. One guy I dated was a self made millionaire. Another guy I dated was in the autistm spectrum and lived off social security. A couple guys I’ve dated have been very good looking. A couple have been very unconventional and not necessarily attractive. Most of the men and women I’ve dated have been average looking, normal people, making around the same amount of money as me (average).

I emphasize this so that you know what I’m saying here isn’t out of naivety.

Now to the point...

I believe, as weird as it sounds, that there are two options.

  1. There is some kind of government conspiracy, possibly involving chemicals and/or social programming, that’s forces the general public to ostracize certain people. Almost like gangstalking, but different. This is just a theory though. I personally believe more in number 2.

2. There is a certain factor that keeps people like me (regardless of gender) single. It is unknown to us and taboo for normal people to mention, so we never hear about it.

Here’s the interesting thing... I’m not sure what the factor is, but I know what it’s not. It’s not gender, height, disability status, class, income level, smell, hygiene, criminality, morality, level of education, or personality.

I’ve seen abusive pieces of shit in relationships the same way I’ve seen good people in relationships. I’ve seen disabled and able bodied people in relationships. Same with criminals and straight and narrow people. Same with race and height.

Why is it that I see fat, bitchy, trashy people who are abusive to their children in relationships with people who love them, while I get nothing?

I know that sentence triggers some people, but it’s reality.

Anyway, what do you think? Thanks.