Long story short I cleaned out my Gmail account all the way back to 2015.   I had 20k emails to go through.

Thousands of emails from when I joined the internet,   notifications,  alerts,  spam,  trash, scams, etc.

Dating websites, quora,  social media,  etc.  The usual.  But in the process of deleting them 10k were from dating websites.  Notifications that someone checked my photo or liked my picture or gasp sent me a message.   They were from zoosk, match, Baloo, pof, etc.

Because being stupid I thought love was just around the corner.   If I just tried a different OLD site.  Maybe my soul mate is on match and I'm on tinder or the the otherway around.  

Because being an average guy I had to work harder than everyone else.  I remember Friday nights would be a 6 pak reading hundreds of profiles and writing a custom message to each one.

I even engaged with women that were not a personality match,  opposites attract right?

I even engaged with women that were not a physical match,  well if she loved me maybe i could use viagra or something.

Swallowed a lot of anger, depression,  what the hell is wrong with me?   Eventually,  I  grew out of wanting a relationship.  But thats a different story.

But they did work occasionally,  went out on 30 first dates,  most a second and third date.   Honestly, I ended ca. Half of the dating.  I just wasn't interested in them.  Could have pretended and held out until after sex but just getting laid wasnt my goal.  My goal was love.

 Made out with a dozen,I got a nice STR and a nice LTR, three ONS and a stalker.  

 Am I disappointed?  No.   My lack of success turned me off of women,  and taught me to enjoy aloneness.

People are killing themselves and getting depressed because of lockdowns.   For me it us just another day.

It was a flashback and I thought you might enjoy hearing it.  Or you you can laugh at me.  It doesn't matter.

Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone