Hi everyone. Since I'm bored, I thought I'd share to you my situation with women. You also seem reasonable people.

25 male, the furthest I have gone is four dates and two kisses.

Growing up I liked girls but I had zero social and communication skills. I didn't know what "asking someone out" literally meant until I were 18. I found out by observing pick up videos and noticing that all of these guys asked girls "on a date". Also needless to say I was insecure and made fun of (not too much though).

When university started, I watched a lot of pick up videos and tred to absorbe as much information as possible. I tred to become a so called "alpha male". I joined a muay thai class, I started talking cold showers and tried to convince my classmates to go to clubs. I didn't find too many friends to go with and in the end I only cold approached about 4 girls. My first cold approach was awesome: I had a great time eddancing with an attractive girl. But nothing serious happened in the end, not even afterwards (plus she had a boyfriend, I knew because I was stupid enough to ask her).

My other cold approaches were just dancing around and saying stupid things and pick up lines (At the time I thought I could just babble any nonsense as long as I was "confident"). I still had zero knowledge and maturity about how to conduct things, how to lead, what I should have done with these girls. Most importantly I wasn't really attracted to them, I approached them to feel superior. A real alpha male sleeps with many women, I thought at the time. So women were a way to feel superior.

The same year I developed hypertonic pelvic floor. Basically I always have to pee. All this means less confidence.

The year after I went on a couple of dates. My first date ever was with a friend of a friend who contacted me. I was not attracted to her but I thought "fuck it, it's my first date ever". At the end of the date I didn't want to kiss her because I wasn't attracted to her. The next day I felt depressed and I never contacted her anymore (although she liked some posts of mine on Facebook).

A few months later, I asked out a friend of a friend who liked me. First date went well. Second date she told me that I didn't look interested in her, started putting pressure on me and this gave me incredible anxiety and I didn't know what to do. I confessed myself to hear, told her my physical problem, the fact that I'm inexperienced with women and maybe that was like a challenge to me. It's crazy how she still wanted to see me and talk to me after months, but I decided to cut interaction because she had already "traumatized" me and I didn't want anything to do with her. Oh and yeah, I wasn't even particullary attracted to her.

After dating this last girl, I decided that I couldn't date a girl unless I had healed my pelvic floor. At the time, I thought the cause of my dating problems was the lack of confidence caused by the fact that I always wanted to be near a bathroom.

The same year a single girl approacheed me on Facebook. We talk and stuff, but I never asked her out because I didn't think I am ready. Plus, I tried to make up my mind whether I liked her or not.

After a few months I went on a trip in England and a girl during a party approaches me. We spent the night together and we kiss. First kiss ever.

Then a few days later we go on a useless date where I pay for many drinks, we talk about irrelevant things, we conversate with a few drunk dudes, I take her home and we kiss.

Then I went back home and never heard about her anymore. She removed me from Facebook for some reason.

At this time, I began wondering if I really liked women, and I still wonder. I personally came up with a test to determine whether or not I like women: If they were still as a statue or any object, which means they can't see me or hear me, let alone judge me, would I still like them? would I like to do sexual things with them? My answer is yes. So this means that one of the reasons why I distance myself from women is because I am afraid of them. Afraid to be judged, criticized, rejected, made fun of, anything. If they couldn't do anything to me, I'd like them.

Anyway, I decided to stop dating altogether because it just makes me feel bad.

A year later, a classmate approached me and asked me out. She even asked me If I'd like to come to her bedroom, but I don't feel ready. Plus, I wasn't really attracted to her and don't want to be traumatized. Anyway, we went on a date and we kissed. Then I ghosted her and tried to avoid places where I could see her because I didn't know what to do. But I had to move away in a month, so it didn't matter.

This was one year and half ago.

Now I don't care about dating and women. It doesn't cross my mind. I have sexual desire but I satisfy myself. It would be cool to date but at this point I don't really know what I want. I only seem to be attracted to girls I obsess with (or crushes).

One of the happiest moment I anthink of was when I hugged one of my crushes during a party. So maybe I like women afterall. Obviously she had a boyfriend so I never asked her out.

Personality-wise I don't match with anyone, but I am good looking, I would say an 8 (it's subjective though...I could be a 9 to someone and a 3 to someone else). Also I am just too insecure. I feel inferior to most people. I don't feel worthy to date anyone. I feel extremely incompetent and ignorant.

Jesus Christ I can't summarize for shit, but I feel like saying everything in order to be better understood.

Now I live my life playing piano, teaching piano, playing in a band and having other minor hobbies like working out, acting and administrating a comic Facebook page.

**TL;DR**

I have identified the followings as my obstacles to dating:

- I don't live in a big city. If I approach or ask someone out, everyone will know. So if I screw up, my reputation goes to shit.

- I am afraid to be judged, criticized and rejected by women because I am insecure.

- I don't know if I am really attracted to women in question.

- I have hypertonic pelvic floor syndrome, constant need to go to bathroom (when cold and anxious, but only oudtoor, indoor I am fine because I am reassured by the fact that there are bathrooms).

- I am not worthy of dating and I feel insecure. I consider myself ignorant, incompetent and immature.