When I was 11 I had a crush on a boy in my class. When I was 17 I had my first boyfriend, also in the same class as me. All perfectly normal right? At the other end of the scale, when I was a kid my great-grandma started dating a guy in his 80s, as she was. She used to tell us how handsome he was, and I thought “really?” I didn’t understand how anyone could be attracted to an 80 year old no matter how old they themselves were.

But as I got older I realised that’s the normal pattern of things. Your tastes adjust to your age group. If you become an adult and remain attracted to 11 year olds, you’re a pedophile. Your perspective is supposed to shift, and if it doesn’t - well that’s when it becomes creepy.

I really feel that a 40 year old man who is only attracted to a 25 year old is demonstrating stunted development. I’m not saying there should be no age gap at all, but when it becomes a generation of difference, this should be a red flag. He hasn’t developed the way most of us do - an emotionally mature man will be attracted to women in his peer group.

And when he says “oh but she’s so mature for her age” that’s not what it is at all - it’s that he’s immature for his.