I am not the best writer and I have a tendency to be wordy so I’ll try to be brief. I have been a lurker here since 2014 and reading this sub has been a huge help to me in the past. Kind of a perpetual monk mode guy. Two years ago, I had a psychotic break. I have been in treatment, I’m setting myself up to be very competitive for grad school, and I am coming up on two years sober. There is a of uncertainty in my life from academia and from the fact that I can be fine one minute and then crazy the next. I am really good and keeping it under control and have been interviewed for a book by a doctor at my clinic where I will be featured as one of the inspiring stories. However it still affects me and makes certain social interactions at certain times significantly more trying. I have been staying away from relationships because things were so all over the map and I was reinventing myself. I have for a little while now wanted to get back out there but have been unable to do so (obviously not right now because of COVID). I am tall, decent looking, and I hit the gym hard (100lbs dumbbells for chest press and rows, 295lbs for deadlift and squats (which is still rookie I know). Girls used to make passes at me because I was often the one of, and sometimes the, best-looking guy around but very rarely did, I ever put myself out there or make a move. I pretty much just drank. I would respond to IOI’s and just escalate things. Honestly, I know that a lot of what this sub is about is navigating hookup culture but I have tried and really just hated it and that really doesn’t happen to me anymore since I quit drinking. I got arrogant and I was an asshole to girls who were actually really nice to me. I don’t know how to be indifferent to them. Also, I have made the problem of thinking that someone was giving signs when they weren’t and that was a blow. I am psychotic, used to be arrogant, and used to be noticeably narcissistic. I’m still self-centered just much nicer these days. I have worked a lot on these things because my delusions often are very negative and I feel that if something bad is going to happen I might as well life a life I can respect myself for. One of the problems is that, and I could be wrong about this, a lot of cues are actually pretty ambiguous and since now I write off any sign in an attempt to be decent, I don’t make anything happen. I have to reality test things a lot and that leads me to come up with the safest explanation for what is going on. One of my biggest fears is acting upon a delusional thought. Obviously, I’m not coming to this sub looking for help with my mental health issues. I’m coming to this sub because I would like to improve my life and have casual relationship or maybe an LTR. I may be fucked on this but I would like to actually have an emotional connection. I have had a problem with the fact that I fall easily for people. I know the rules and that they don’t feel the same and AWALT, but it still happens which is another reason I avoid these things these days. It seems that if I don’t care then they care and if I do care then they don’t. I know it goes a little against the grain here, but I can’t do hookups anymore. I’ve really stepped up my game these past two years and am working much harder. I got to the gym, do very well academically, work in a lab, meditate, picked up the piano, read, and have started a small business that earns me a couple hundred for 45 minutes of work here and there. I’ll spare you my boring storing of oneitis but it still affects me because that girl is sometimes the focus of my delusions. I think the best way to fix that would be to move on and dilute her impact. I have read some of the sidebar but not all of it and I sort of don’t have time to finish right now. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to approach things with women and where to approach things (I live in Manhattan), given my situation and what I am looking for. Also, I have taken time off for obvious reason so I am a little old now which feels weird (almost 24 and finishing junior year). I feel like my life has reached a point where this is the next step. I have never had a girlfriend. I have tried tinder and have had no luck. I don’t have time to swipe all day which I’ve heard is the way to do it. I’m looking general advice, a style of approach, or where to meet girls compatible, but I’ll take what I can get (my college isn’t very social and I’m a transfer student, my only friends at this school are in the graduate programs). I’ve read the frequently asked questions here and I apologize if this is a little redundant from the advice-giving perspective. I know I can’t do anything right now but this has been a problem for me and would like to work on it when the world returns to normal.