Ive lurked here for a while. Im catching on a little bit, I was never all that bright to begin with...I learn slow. Here goes...

So My Father wasnt exactly divorced raped, but he did the single father raising his kids thing when Mom decided she couldnt hack it anymore and wanted to move on and do other stuff, So female figures in my life have always been a weird issue for me, Ive always come off as most chauventistic to people for that reason, and its probably true, so I never did very well with women. Im also an introvert so speaking to them in general was extra difficult.

I meet a girl one day, and I wouldnt say that this was my first experience with the tingles you get from women, but this was the first time I ever really pursued a long term relationship with the girls that I have developed feelings for. She had a boyfriend at the time, and Simp Me thought I was a better person, and that her boyfriend didnt deserve her, I deserved her more...hindsights 20/20. I never met the guy atleast not enough to validate any of the horrific stories she told me about him, I realize now it was probably just part of the monkey branching to me...I didnt know what monkey branching was at the time, I always knew that if she could do it to him, then she could do it to me...but you know? Im better than this dude, she wouldnt do that to me! So I went ahead with it, and she left him, and we started a relationship together...well...sorta, in her mind I probably was gonna take her off his hands, and she was just gonna live with me, and that wasnt realistic...she couldnt....so she decides she was gonna leave the state to go live with her Parents...we pretend this long distance relationship was gonna work out, until one day I get the news that she doesnt have any interest in working through this and she met someone else...I was broken, but at the time, I should have picked up that my family expected this to happen to me, I was just being naive cause feelings...

I cant remember the time frame...Id say about 3 months go by, Im still feeling pretty lame about the whole thing, and she gives me a call...she tells me dude turned out to be an asshole, and basically she realized that the grass wasnt much greener over there and she missed me. So we just started talking again....and were picking up where we left off...well about a month goes by, and I get that call again, that shes back in my state, and she wants to see me! Caught me completely off guard, I dropped everything to go see her...she was gonna be staying a friend of hers about an hour away from me. We get back into things again, we just have to drive to visit each other, and we do. We're slowly starting to figure out how we're gonna get a place together so we can go fill time. We start working and putting ideas together...shes slowly convincing me that it'd be a better idea for us to leave our state, grass is green over there and you can make money...so I say yes, lets do it. We leave the state, almost severing ties with my own family in the process, I head out of state, to stay with her family while we start to get on our feet. Many more side stories fall in places along this timeline, but Im trying to sum up a long period, in a short read, For that Im sorry.

Long story short, there are ups and there are downs for us while living out in this new state, I have some family I could stay with, and we do ot doesnt work out, so we stayed with her family...that didnt work out much either, we got kicked out, almost living out of my car, and another family member takes us in, Im finally able to land a decent job, the work is hard, but it allowed her to start going to school, and We're not starving...secretly I was unhappy, I couldnt stand much of her family at that point anymore...I missed my own family, I wanted to go home...I wanted it so bad we would fight over it, coming back home would mean leaving her family agaim, and she didnt want to do it. I couldnt fault her for that...but it gets the best of me, and I decided I was coming back regardless, she didnt wanna end it, so she wanted me to promise she could finish school when we got back to my home state...we agreed and came home.

It took a long time for us to start to make some kind of progress to restablish ourselves now that we were back...it wasnt easy, at any given time, neither of us held a job at the same time...and it was taking a lot longer than expected for us to get situated...Never the less, we had more ups and downs...it put a strain on us and we started drifting apart...One day, I lost my job and was suffering mentally, pretty heavily. We fought all the time, as I was begging her to find a job for a few months until I lost mine...she wouldnt find one, she was probably suffering mentally herself, I get it...She finally lands a job, and decides on day one, that enough was enough, she packed all her shit while I was away one day, and I got a call from a friend, (who was our room mate btw...) that she had packed her shit and left, she didnt tell me at all she was leaving...well needless to say, I took it very personally and decided to make sure that it was final. I moped for a few days. Tried to talk to her, and was ignored, So I got drunk, and I made a fool out of myself with a friend of hers. And she came and got the rest of her shit, we argued and that was the last I saw of her...atleast for a while.

Id run into her every now and then, and she would small talk me, she would show up around my house to make it known she was with someone else, and play games with me cause she knew I was still emotionally attached, and keep me on the back burner incase her other things didnt work out...about a year of this goes by, she had a boyfriend for about 3 to 6 months of that time, and then she was coming around to parade that she had gotten pregnant...the whole thing was kind of fucked...but whatever, fuck her Im going on with my life....one day I get a call, someone literally ReeEeeEEeeEeeEee'd into my ear...screaming "He broke up with me..." and I could tell it was her...so I asked "Who is this?" And she gave me a fake name, I mean an almost laughably fake name...and I just said..."I dont know anyone by that name" and she responded "Buh-Bye Felicia!" and hung up on me....I still hear from my own family that they've run into her at the store and shit, and she says hi...I havent personally run into her, Ive been avoiding that like the plague...and Im doing alright these days! Im not rich. I dont have a business thats booming, Im nothing special, but Im happy where Im at...Im making good healthy progress with myself, and thats awesome, my connections with the people that I meet are as genuine as they've ever been, and thats really my story, feel free to ask me anything you want, Im pretty much an open book. If I can share it with you guys and maybe help someone who needs it, Im glad to do it.

If you dont think you are ever gonna be happy again with out her...trust me, you will be fine, this takes time...a lot of it. Focus on yourself, be selfish. Hate their fucking guts if you have to, it'll kick itself out...you'll look back at all the shit you went through, and you'll ask yourself why you would ever want to be with someone who was capable of doing that to you in the first place, you'll expect more self respect from yourself, you'll know your worth, and you'll need a time machine to repair the respect you had for her....never again. Go Your Own Way.