Warning: Very long post. Still processing it and thought writing it out might help.
Yesterday I went over to my friend's house (I'll call him M) to trip. We are somewhat experienced with LSD, having tripped 8 times already. The highest dose we had done before was 300ug, but most trips were on 150-250ug. Our last trip was in November, and in between this time M had gotten a girlfriend, who I'll refer to as S. Since we were doing our highest dose yet, we thought we could use a trip sitter and S volunteered. I have met her a few times and she's really chill, we get along pretty well so it was fine by me. I arrived at his house around 6 PM and we dropped the tabs immediately.
Around 45 min in we already started giggling a bit and this eventually lead to an enormous outburst of laughter. We usually watch The Eric Andre Show on the come up and this time was no different. S was just watching us in amazement and laughed too. After half an hour the laughing died down a bit and I told M that I really started feeling it and he said that he felt the same. It was the moment I realized what I was in for and the vibe became more 'serious' if that makes sense. We had both stripped down to our underwear (we usually do this) because both our body temperatures started going crazy. I was sweating and sometimes shivering at the same time.
From 7 till 8 I gradually started ascending and around 8:30 I was having major visuals and some CEV's. It hit me very hard, and M said that he thought he was heading towards ego death. My thoughts were a mess and I was panicking. S put on some Red Hot Chilli Peppers and this put me a very good mood. After half an hour (could be an hour too) I asked M something and he didn't reply. He looked at me, closed his eyes and laid down on the couch.I was pretty worried about M but decided it would be best to just let him be. He had a smile on a face so that was a good sign. For whatever reason I started panicking again and I couldn't control myself anymore. I was overwhelmed and couldn't handle everything that was happening around me. Felt like I was going batshit insane. This is where S put her hands on my shoulders and calmly told me to relax. Positive energy filled my body and she told me to lay down in M's bedroom and take it easy. I asked if she could put Pink Floyd on my speaker and she brought me a glass of water and some grapes. I was in heaven. I saw some shit double or mirrored, I can't exactly remember, and gave in and closed my eyes on the bed. I felt so good, my CEV's were going crazy.
S went to check on M again and came back to see how I was holding up after god knows how much time. I said I was doing amazing, and she asked if I wanted a massage. I reasoned (as far as I was capable to do so) that it would be rude to say no and told her if it was no inconvenience for her I would love one. She put a towel on the bed and grabbed some massage oil and started. It felt so good I couldn't believe it. I closed my eyes and just let it happen. I have felt nothing like it in my life. I was constantly smiling and euphoria filled my body. She told me to turn around and lie down on my back to finish the massage. I actually wanted her to keep going with whatever she was doing but I complied, as she was the one giving the massage.
Apparently my guy downstairs was having a good time too as when I turned around S started laughing and I didn't know why. When I finally realized what was going on I started laughing too and kept saying sorry. She said it was okay, it happens and to just relax and enjoy the moment. I think the second part of the massage only lasted a few minutes (I had no concept of time though) until she started touching my dick through my boxer. She said something like does he need a massage too or some weird shit like that. I just looked at her in confusion but didn't respond as I truly had no idea what she meant. Well, she took this as a yes and started giving me a handjob. This felt really good, so good I felt like I was paralyzed.
I personally have a hard time getting to my climax on L and this time that was the case too. When I opened my eyes for the first time in idk how long I noticed that she was actually blowing me now. I had no words, I must say I didn't fully understand what was going on but it felt good. If the sensation is good everything is fine. After what must have been quite some time I was getting closer to my orgasm and everything started to become even more intense. The colors became extremely vivid and I was practically blinded by OEV's. She stopped for a bit, took off her clothes and sat down on top of me. I was in pure ecstasy. I was unable to move and talk. I closed my eyes and saw colors rushing through my mind and when I came it was like a blissfull explosion of rainbows and euphoria. I have no clue how long I was laying down before I opened my eyes, but I saw S smiling at me and my heart filled with joy.
I put my undies back on and checked my phone for the first time. It was 1 AM already and I got up to visit M. He was back to reality and started telling me about what he had went through. All I did was nod and 'hmm' because I realized what I had done and could not take my mind off it. I felt terrible, I got into a very bad thought loop and eventually snapped out of it when M put on some music. We kinda chilled and S took care of us and gave us some food and juice. I was not able to look her in the eye, I felt disgusting. Around 3:30 I said I wanted to go to sleep and M thought it was a good idea too. We both took a bar and passed out on the couch.
It was 11 AM when S woke me and M up as she had made breakfast. I still felt terrible. Instead of my usual afterglow I was (and still am) experiencing an after-depression. I feel so so bad. I went home ASAP and got a few texts from M about how positive he came out of his experience and that he was sorry for being 'gone' during the peak. I told him it was fine and said that I had a good time too. S texted me too asking how my 'trip' (yes those quotes belong there) was and I haven't replied to her yet.
I'm going to take the rest of the day to contemplate what the fuck I'm going to do now.
Edit: Y'all convinced me. I'm going to his place tonight and tell him what happened. Thanks for all the support.
Edit 2 -
Update: Didn't think this would blow up like it did. I am really trying to read every comment and once again, thanks for all the advice and kind messages.
Went to his house about 3 hours ago. I was nervous as fuck, but I had to power through. Sat down with him and he started talking about the trip and how much he had enjoyed it. He knew something was up with me as we know each other too well to hide it when there's something bothering us. He asked if I had some issues with the trip and that he would be here to listen if that's the case. That's when he also said that S told him she had given me a massage, and that I enjoyed it so much I wouldn't mind getting a few more (???????). He asked if it was cool if she came over too and this is where I decided to tell him
I almost broke down saying it but I told him I didn't just get a massage from S. He asked what I meant and I told him what had happened. He didn't say a word and looked at me in disbelief. I said that I was sorry, but that I had no control over the situation and I had to tell him as I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I kept quiet. He got up, walked around a bit and sat down again. I was just waiting for his response and didn't dare to say another word. 'She told me she gave you a massage' were his first words. I apologized again and he asked me how it all went down and I told him. Felt like he didn't believe me for a sec because all he did was shake his head.
To keep things relatively short: We ended up talking for some time, and he said he believed me but had to find out from S himself before 'actually' believing it. He wants to come up with a plan to catch her, we only have no idea how though. I said I would help him out anyway possible, he said that's the least thing I could do after fucking his girlfriend, lmao.
I feel like there is a HUGE weight off my shoulders and am so glad I told him. Didn't think it would work out how it did. S telling him about the massage is honestly the best thing that could have happened to me. He seemed OK to me when I left, although he is undoubtedly mad at me and S but he didn't let it show. That fucker took it like a champ and I have nothing but respect for him. Don't know what we're going to do now and what our friendship will be like in the future, but at least he knows. Thanks to everyone who told me to do the right thing. I might post an update if something happens and people care.
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