Introduction

The following post is a firsthand account of my experience as a blue pill male finally waking up and swallowing the red pill.

Background

All stories have a beginning, and this one starts about four years ago, while I was in college obtaining a degree in environmental engineering with a focus on advanced water treatment technologies. I happened to stumble across the opportunity to complete my senior design project/thesis in Slovenia, just two hours from Venice, Italy.

While working on this project with a group of sixteen college students my own age, drinking $2 bottles of Slovenian wine every night, it was inevitable that some of us would begin hooking up. Mine happened to be this short Puerto Rican and Jewish girl with slim hips and a fat ass who was also a dancer (score, I thought).

Somehow I managed to stumble through the game while we visited Venice, Croatia, and Spain - unknowingly playing my moves quite well to keep her chasing after me for a week or two. Finally put that on lock when a group of four of us were sitting on a 3rd floor patio in Barcelona, and asked her to be my girl. Suddenly, my dream had come true in that I finally had a hot girlfriend, what more could I ask for in life?

A year later, following the honeymoon phase of dating and graduating college together, I get the call from an RnD water treatment company that does direct potable reuse water recycling, thanks to a family reference, a dream job for a 22 year old kid with no experience. I took the job offer after conferring with my girlfriend, which meant moving out to Ohio from Massachusetts. She promised she'd be "right behind" me once I settled in. I believed whole-heartedly that we would start a life together once she moved out there with me.

Two years later, my soul had been worn thin by this woman, still alone in Ohio. I had accepted that she was "the one" and I could suffer the long distance because I wanted to marry her. I wasn't excited about it though, but the hamster rationalized that pretty easily in hindsight (always 20/20). Did I mention we hadn't had sex yet at this point? She was a virgin, and as a fraternity man with an "n" count >10 at that point, it was driving me insane.

I told her to visit me in Ohio, and finally grew some balls and fucked her. Like I said, she was a virgin so the sex was pretty terrible, but at least it was a step in the right direction. I thought that would have strengthened our relationship and we would finally start a life together. Then two months later, she told me she wouldn't move out to Ohio. I was heartbroken, but I had the good sense to end things.

Blue Pill Example

About a month later I began dating another girl. This short, green haired girl with gauges and odd piercings - the girl you know is a closet freak and exactly my type. Well, I foolishly had in my brain the notion that I could woo this girl by being the perfect gentleman, a couple years older with a great job, car, apartment - everything a girl could want in a provider.

That's what you were told growing up right?

Dinner and a movie on the first date, mistake one.

Movie the second date, then dinner at my place, pussied out and didn't kiss her when I had the chance, mistake number two and probably the six foot mark in my grave.

Over the holiday vacation I mailed her a gift to arrive on Christmas, mistake number three.

Went to a trampoline park rave on the third date, actually had a fantastic time, probably had tons of opportunities to make things happen, but I was a pussy and never escalated physically, mistake number four.

I was afraid she would see that as me wanting only to get physical and fuck, and the "perfect gentleman" in me couldn't allow it.

I wanted to make her my girlfriend and live happily ever after, mistake number five.

Fourth date we built a blanket fort at my place, cuddled and fell asleep during the movie, mistake number six not escalating. I thought this was a good enough step in the right direction, and scheduled a fifth meeting at her place.

At this point I began texting her my feelings, about how much I liked her and all the usual garbage. No doubt this drove her further away from me, I was practically begging for it at this point, without having the balls to just make a move in person.

On the fifth date I finally made the move and kissed her, but I could tell it was lifeless, and when I tried to escalate towards sex she shut that down. I left after we cuddled and kissed some more, thinking sex would happen eventually, mistakes, mistakes, mistakes all around.

Got that text the next day. "I don't think I'll ever feel about you how you feel about me."

Absolutely broke my heart.

I haven't felt so terrible in a long time, and it made me re-evaluate my very existence.

How could I, the perfect gentleman, successful in his day job and a musical performer on weekend, with everything supposedly figured out, fail at reeling in this girl that I knew for a fact was very sexual?

I didn't have any answers, so I searched...

Swallowing the Red Pill

...and I found this sub.

At a time when I was questioning the very core of my being, much of what I read on this sub resonated with me. I read the sidebar, all the top posts, familiarized myself with the community, and I developed a game plan. I was going to make myself a better person, for myself, but also because I wanted to better understand sexual dynamics and get laid again like I used to in my fraternity in college. I knew it would seem a daunting task at first, but my resolve became hard like iron.

Fitness

I joined the gym and an adult co-ed soccer league yesterday.

I'm no stranger to the gym being a former soccer player for my university, but I let myself waste away these past two years after smoking too much weed. Time to change that. I figured the soccer would be a great supplement to my fitness, and also add to my social value by having opportunities to meet and interact with new people.

Knowledge

I went to Barnes and Noble this past weekend and armed my brain with the following weapons: The Art of War by Sun Tzu, The Prince by Machiavelli, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, and the 48 Laws of Power by Greene - a great foundation upon which I can build my journey through life.

Creative

As briefly mentioned, I'm a musical performer. I promised to dedicate a minimum of one hour a day towards my Techno DJing and production abilities. I'm a firm believer that music can heal all emotional wounds, and it's a great creative outlet. Plus, women love musicians. It's also a great social value to myself as I'm out performing at clubs once or twice a month, a star in the local dance music scene, which helps with my confidence and anxiety issues.

Health

I've begun eating more fruits and vegetables, less junk food, much more protein. Not much to add here.

Game

This past weekend, I made a conscious effort to hit on the two hottest girls at the club I was attending. One was a Portuguese girl, I bought her a drink and chatted her up before dancing with her a bit. Wasn't feeling a sexual vibe though so I moved on to the hottest girl who was talking with a buddy of mine. Jumped into the convo and chatted her up for a while. Definitely boosted my confidence a bit as I begin to work on approach anxiety and implementing things like physical escalation.

Moving Forward

I plan on dedicating the next six months of my life towards bettering myself and working on those items outlined above. My involvement with this sub will be limited, as I'm focusing on myself and not wasting time on the internet. I look forward to reporting on my progress in six months' time with my first field report!