TIFU by agreeing to an open relationship with my wife and filming the first encounter.

24 points26 commentssubmitted by Hoffman81 to r/tifu

This didn’t happen today; it happened four years ago, but I’m now just barely able to “talk” about it. My wife and I had been married for about four years, when she started acting strangely for months . Lying about where she was. Cleaning the apartment like she never does. She would come home from work much later than expected. Locking the door and closing the blinds when I went to work. It was really hard for me to piece things together. In hindsight, it was due to the heavy amounts of gaslighting I would get from her almost daily.

One day we were eating at a local pub and I’m talking about a couple who were in an open relationship. This suddenly perked her interest and she asked me if I would be into an open relationship. I said I never thought of it. Though after the dinner she brings in up again and we started really talking about it. I asked her if she had anyone in mind and she mentioned my best friend. A little close to home, but I took no offense. The conversation ended that night l, but she would bring it up occasionally over the next few weeks.

Fast forward a few more weekend down the road my best friend was invited over to our place to watch some GOT. After the nights tv watching was through, we went to bed while leaving him on the couch. While in bed she reminds me of the conversation we have been having and that she was having a fantasy of going out there and “just teasing him.” Over the course of a few weeks I had thought about an open marriage, and how it could possibly spark things again without getting emotionally disconnected. So, in the moment, I told her to go for it. I waited awhile a snuck out there to see what was going on. To my surprise they were already having sex and I.... started recording it...

The following night I was feeling really uneasy about what had happened. Aside from my wife having sex with another “man,” somehow something else was not right. I noticed she had locked her phone. Then she said something about my friend that didn’t seem right. Suddenly it hit me that they may have been having an affair before last night even happened. She didn’t think I knew her password, but I did. I took her phone out of her hand and told her “I hope I don’t find anything” while I was walking out the door.

While I was in my car I started to delve through her text messages with him and what I found was horrifying. It happened to be a four month long affair which was uncaring and abusive toward me so she could have more sex with my best friend. For example, she planned to get me really drunk so she could sleep with him when I passed out. Also, on several occasions she had me drive her to a point where she would get picked up by him. It was a horrid disregard for my feelings.

I felt like a loser that consented to her sleeping with my best friend that she was cheating on me with and filmed it too. Not only did I not see all the obvious signs (which were abundantly clear now) I just gave her to him for a night. And recorded it. I was a dirty cuck. I recorded my own wife’s affair. I killed me inside.

During the following weeks/months/year I became hyper vigilant and was obsessed with learning every single detail of the affair. I used a gps unit on the dudes car. My thoughts became repetitive. And for a very long time I was rarely sleeping. After a few months, I was at work and a shovel made a loud noise when it fell behind me. It made my heart race and I shuttered and had to sit down. At that point I didn’t know it was PTSD but I knew something was wrong. I have chronic depression and anxiety now.

TL;DR: I consented to my wife sleeping with my best friend and filmed it, only to find out she was having an affair with him for four months. Lost my mind.